When your friends say enough is enough

Welp.

There comes a time when your friends just say enough is enough and stop wanting to hear you upset about a guy. Meaning they tell you to ditch the guy.

That happened. The one person who was supportive and positive and truly there about it.

I understand. I do. But sometimes you just want someone to be supportive no matter what. When people say, they are supportive, but then write a paragraph or go into a full-fledged thing about their concerns and why you shouldn’t do what you’re doing… well, where is most of their energy.

I have some more thoughts on psychic readings – I keep getting that the wild card here in the relationship with Sky is me. As in I might get tired of it and choose another path. But he won’t. Then again, he’s not the one who keeps getting hurt. I had something similar said to me the other day, that psychic readings and what they think you will do – you have free will – they can only tell you what’s available to you, if you choose it.

I still haven’t heard much from him. I keep getting, from readings, that work is really pissing him off. And the way he deals with it is shutting everyone out (not just me) and white-knuckling it. Today’s reader said that if we were married I would know more but as it is now, I’m the same as everyone else.

I did get some advice today. That if it gets to the weekend, send a message – very casual about needing to know if I should keep the dress I bought that he chose for this wedding I was supposed to be accompanying him to.

I can do that. That way I’m not doing nothing. And then at least I know. A thought just occurred: Maybe he hasn’t said anything about it yet because he doesn’t know if he’s coming or not yet.

I love listening to Joel Osteen’s sermons when I’m going through tough times. Listening to one right now which is about how God will bring you out better from every situation you go through.

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It’s about making the best of it, no matter what

I haven’t written in a little bit because, I’ve just been figuring me out, you know?

I kind of went into a mini depression after breaking up with the last guy, because all of a sudden I had ALL this time on the weekends and didn’t know what the heck to do with myself. So I ended up doing nothing. It’s like I forgot how to make plans with my friends.

Friends are another topic — most of mine are newly married, and I no longer feel like I have that much in common with them, and especially when it comes to talking about dating. So that’s one thing I’m working on, figuring out how to make new friends in your late 20’s — it’s not easy, especially when you work with all guys.

Anyway, so since I broke up with him, I think I got hit on 4x in less than the first week, and then two guys from the past hit me up. One, I kind of laid the law down with — I realized he was using me for sex completely, but not even trying to hide it — his facebook and other social media accounts are filled with super fun activities and always beautiful people, and all he tries to get from me is a late night sleepover. 

The other guy, is the one who broke up with me by text, after 4 months. So, we have been talking/sort of text flirting, although I’m not really into it. And then I think last Thursday or Friday we talked about maybe hanging out tonight when he got back from being away for the weekend. But gut feeling said not to, so I kind of ignored his texts. And it’s not like we had set plans, we just kind of said we were both free. So to me, that’s not confirming. 

Granted, I’ve been on the other side of that and it’s super annoying when you think you have plans and the other person clearly did not, so I feel a little bad that way, but he texted me around 4 saying “hey” – to which I didn’t respond.

Then an hour and a half later: “are you blowing me off again?”

To which I still didn’t respond, I mean what do you say to that?

Then an hour later: “I hate you”

….wooooah there buddy. And then, I deleted the entire text conversation.

Switching gears a little, part of me wants to find my person, you know? But another part of me just doesn’t want to try. Like, not even Match.com. I’ll just grow older by myself and be happy with it. I feel like I won’t have to force it or try when or if it’s the right guy. And yeah, a lot of people meet wonderful people online dating, but I feel like I’ve been on and off so often that I’m seeing some repeats…. and that makes me feel bad about myself. Because I think, what’s taking them so long? But then I realize, that I’m that same person — so people might be thinking, what’s taking HER so long?

Plus, I’m focusing on building my finances up, and I just had to get new roommates, and I’m just trying to be comfortable in my own skin, like completely. Which I usually just distract myself with boys, trying to find happiness by being in love, I guess. 

Which something tells me, the better version of myself I can make me, the better I will be for the guy when he does come along. Which I hope isn’t that far away 🙂  but if it’s not, I will be OK. I mean, I’ve been the single one in the group (always dating a different guy, never settling down, going for hot jerks, etc) for THIS long, if I can’t accept that role at almost 30 years old… then I’m just going to keep being unhappy with my life. And I want to be happy. 

I’m beginning to think it’s about making the best of it, no matter what. I can’t control whether I’m in love with a man or not, or a man is in love with me, and God knows that hasn’t happened in a really, really long time, so I might as well just start focusing on what I do have and making the best out of that. If I didn’t, it would be like parking a lawn chair next to the fence and staring at the other side (where the grass is supposedly greener) that I let my own lawn and garden go to shit, cause I was too focused on what I didn’t have.

Feel me?

Here’s to Single Friends! & the When Do I Sleep With Him Dilemma

My single friends are becoming more and more like diamonds in the rough. Seriously. When you’re in your early 20s, everyone kind of does the dating thing and we all fall down every once in a while, laugh it off and keep going.

But then people start finding the right one for them, and one day you realize most of your friends are in serious, long term relationships. And sure, hanging out with them is great (once they are passed the lovey-dovey stage), but it stops being that same kind of, we are all on the same page here, fun. You’re the only one sharing dating war stories, and they can’t really do the normal “counter-share” because their problems are actual relationship, or engagement, or marriage problems. You’re sitting there all, “why didn’t he respond to my text??” and she’s all, “this bridesmaid is stressing me out because…”.

Granted, deep down we know one day it will be us dealing with stresses that come with various relationship statuses. The thing I tell myself is, through going to/being in weddings, I’m learning which potholes to avoid when I one day have to plan my own wedding. But still, I do start to feel silly when I’m pouting over whether or not some guy I only sort of know will get back to me about something; it just seems so damn trivial in comparison!

So back to why I am starting to seriously appreciate my still single friends. I am so thankful for them because it helps me realize I’m NOT the only one dealing with stupid dating drama. And they are the go-tos for nights out (although I love when my paired up friends come out too!). So, cheers to you, singletons! You are all my diamonds.

Anyway, so one dating drama that always trips me up is the when to sleep together thing. You’ve got your “wait until commitment” camp, and your “if it’s meant to be it won’t matter” camp.

Here’s are my thoughts about waiting until a commitment: would you want a man who you aren’t sexually compatible with? I definitely don’t. It will kill a relationship for me. But, at the same time, I don’t want to fall into friends with benefits or the hookup category. Conundrum!!!

Same deal with the, two consenting adults/if it’s meant to be it won’t matter thing: There is a huge risk involved because, you hook up with a guy you like, and he might never call you again. Raise your hand if this happened to you!! (I’m raising my hand, ha).

So, talk about anguish!! I was thinking this morning, and I really started to wonder… Do all relationships these days start with hooking up?? Do the old rules of make him wait even apply? I usually try to wait 3 dates or so, but by then my curiosity is getting the better of me, too. Still, some people say “that’s kind of fast” to me. But I have a high sex drive. So I’m acting in accordance with what feels right to me. The thing is, after that the effort sometimes drops from the guy. :/

I mean, if you’re involved with attractive guys, if you sit there and say, “well, I don’t have sex until its a committed relationship,” he could easily go find another girl who will. Because maybe HE doesn’t want to make someone his girlfriend unless they’re sexually compatible, even if you know he wants a girlfriend. And that’s where the risk is. Now, I’m not at all saying sleep around, but maybe semi-casual sex isn’t as terrible as some people would have us believe.

Of course then it sucks when they stop calling or aren’t as attentive as you want, but.. If you’re honest with yourself, wouldn’t it still suck even if you didn’t sleep together???

If anyone out there has insight or thoughts on this topic, feel free to chime in.