Reading Roundup

Since Sky is …clearly not talking to me right now… I spoke with Skarlet recently. I don’t think I will talk to her again for a while, because i just have this odd sense that while she might be right about things, nothing is really going to come together for a while.

She basically said a lot of stuff that made sense and is probably right, but ultimately doesn’t make me all that happy…

The basics are… he’s back “in control” from feeling out of control with emotion and has a lot of willpower (that’s true from what I know of him). He misses me and thinks of me often. He doesn’t know what to do, is about 80% certain that I’m not going anywhere when we don’t talk, and is afraid if he has nothing to say and we do talk I will end up finding him and his life boring and will decide I don’t want that. He can’t handle the idea of him giving his heart to me and me actually walking away, and he has enough experience to have heard of many women who left their military men when the man became hyper-focused on his career. And mostly, he wants to move ahead in his career so he can settle down, as he feels like he can’t right now. He knows he loves me, and I love him.

…which is all very nice, except. He hasn’t told me a single word of that. I had to call a psychic to find that out. She of course said that if I did want to reach out, how to do it and that it would have a positive effect, and if I don’t that it will take longer, but it’s a neutral effect and then he will talk to me eventually.

She also told me he has opportunities there, but isn’t interested in anyone. Isn’t letting anyone into his heart.

Blah, blah, blah. My decision is, I’m not reaching out again at all. I mean, this is a guy who took a full day to respond to my happy new year text. And his response was very much, not something that opens a conversation.

But mostly, I have been wondering if the only reason this is still going is because of the messages I sent on holidays and so on. And I asked why it seemed like things were better over the summer than they are now. And she said because I’m expecting a relationship that progresses, a man who is pursuing and he’s not, because he can’t.

She maintains that he will, when he figures it out. But only God knows when that’s going to be, and by his Sky’s) estimation he’s solid military until 2018. So.

Basically..the truth of the matter is, this guy has all these thoughts, and the end of them is that he can’t be with me right now. Except he didn’t want to tell me that.

 ______________________________

Spoke with Gaylene… haven’t chatted with her in a while, but figured I’d give her another shot given she has been right for me, and sometimes she’s awesome with timing. Other times way off.

Here’s what she said. There is going to be the opportunity, he pops back up communication wise. Where he is right now/mindset is temporary. Temporary meaning, his quiet is him reviewing his life and where he wants things to go with me.

He goes home, starting to evaluate. He lives pretty far, doesn’t want to move back. He’s frustrated, can’t/doesn’t want to move back.

He doesn’t feel like I can move because of my work and family…

Will the situation be resolved/so we can be together? It’s something that can be overcome with time; he  we communicate pretty regularly over the internet but not recently — he gets down and depressed. He just went back?

He is going to start spending more time communicating. He panics/gets really down when he has to go.

He is going to start to – not work harder, but he is focused. He tries to keep things very straight, regimented. When he was here, he sticks to a tough schedule. That doesn’t say that he doesn’t want or like what he has with me — he does. He tells her he does communicate with me via the Internet.

When?

He said I love you — he is going to start communicating with me more, quiet a bit going on with him. He tries to hide from his emotions, having a harder time doing that. He cares for me and does love me, but doesn’t know how he’s going to hand an actual relationship given that we are in different places. He will, but he doesn’t know how.

He is in a prickly situation a bit he doesn’t have a lot of time off, he doesn’t have a normal life, he feels very abnormal.

He figures it out – where there’s a will there’s a way. He will figure out how to make things happen. Why? He wants to. Timing: 5-7. 5-7 hours, 5-7 o’clock, maybe 15th-17th.

His silence doesn’t have anything to do with not liking me, he just doesn’t know how to make it possible.

How he fixes it — his idea is we get married and then we can be together. He feels like we if we take it very seriously that’s how we can be together. He will pop it out there as an p. He wants to see me more consistently, the only way for that to happen is for me to be close to his base. He has ideas going on – more drastic ideas than good ideas.

7-8 for timing on that, could be July – August. Comes up with some big ideas to bring us closer together.

When he comes through with it, I’m going to be very happy.

__________________________________

And I’ve been having a … not so great day, today — so I wanted to talk and get reassurance. I feel like I’m still not getting it. I spoke with someone named Sonia. She got right away that he’s all over the place, so when I explained he’s military it made sense to her.

She then said, his hold up is mainly he doesn’t want to answer to anyone, and hasn’t been ready to commit to anyone. He is very attracted to me and loves our friendship, but the more he sees himself with me the more he gives in to the urge of being single because he’s commitment phobic.

He’s not ready to hand me his heart and be the kind of guy who is focused on one just yet — with me he can see himself settle down. So he’s scared of is he really ready for that right now? And fighting his own demons on it.

So it’s not about not wanting to be with me it’s about how he feels when he’s not with me — and he hasn’t officially said we are a couple to him and the world yet and it scares him that when we are together it’s so easy and natural, it’s real, not fake or a friendship with benefits.

So he “spaces out” and this mercury retrograde made it harder for him to emotionally detach.

Then she said it won’t last — it being his need to remain single — as he gets redeployed soon. Overseas, but will come home again before that happens. She asked me to be open minded, and to let him chase me down. She said I’m on his mind but when I try to talk he is not ready because of other people being around; they stir him up because he has played out the bachelor macho energy that he won’t have a woman / is not ready. But some of the people he hangs around with are falling into committed relationships and it will help him see what he is missing but “he needs to awaken more”.

When he is vulnerable to me he IS ready for a committed relationship but he fights it.

Then she said: Don’t be angry with him for not reaching out, don’t ask “defining” questions / pressure like what are we, what do you want from me, what are we doing, where is this going — avoid those questions. If he wants to talk future, smile and listen to him talk.

She said 2-3 weeks before we talk again, and when he reaches out it will be to tell me he’s coming back to town or something like that. She said 2-3 mark; worst case scenario 2-3 months “but this is okay”

Reason being military training is intense and their minds are all over the place. Their egos get deflated and they learn to man up. That’s what he is focusing on.

She said he has to honor his own truth before he can open up in full to make it work with me — and that’s what we need since we have something beautiful and he knows it but he’s not ready for it just yet. She said: Sometimes his actions speak louder than his words but he does eventually get it.

She sees it coming together but it requires that i make him work for it/make him responsible for it. He initiates ALL contact even when he starts calling and reaching out. For at least 3 months.

Then she said when he is abroad we will both reach out, but let him schedule times with me (sat phone) & when he returns he is back for a good 3 months before he returns to base.

During those 3 months we plan a future. So be light about everything.

Don’t scold him and let him come to me, & let him wake up.

He’s overseas 6-8 months, but not longer. As long as he’s kept safe by God he won’t come back sooner, either.

Then she said: This guy will be around for a long time, so what you want is getting to the home base not a guy to waste your time. I want long-term not short term.

And be really light and fun with him when he calls. No drama.

_________________

Cindy says he knows I’m his future, when he’s there he has to focus on the present. That’s his training. It’ll come together.

_______________

 

So that’s the reading round up. Sky told me he might take a 6 month deployment.. so if this new person is right that will be very interesting.

But anyway… even though all these good, solid readers (I can vouch for two of them…Gaylene I had some luck with but not lately; last thing she got right was talking about how that wedding weekend wouldn’t go well — and this other person is brand new). It doesn’t change my life right now. The fact of the matter is I’m lost, looking for answers, and I feel like God has forgotten about me.

That’s why I go to readers. To get a tiny bit of hope that my life isn’t this stretch of solo-dom forever and ever. I’m a beautiful, successful, loving woman. I have my flaws like everyone else, but nothing major. I do good things. I deserve good things. And yet, I find myself not connecting with anyone else but him lately.

Maybe I really do need closure to move on. But how do you get closure from something that was never a relationship? It being official or not doesn’t change the depth of feelings. I just suppose it’s the passage of time. So at this rate, I should be completely over it… in 6 months? If we don’t talk. And I’m not reaching out to him.

I’m very scared that I won’t ever find anyone like him … who loves me the way he does. That sounds crazy, I know, since what kind of love is this that leaves me alone, without so much as a “see ya later”, no warning, into the cold. It’s just that I did not find another relationship to really replace what him and I had back then, as teenagers, and the closest thing I found…well, wasn’t that healthy. So, yeah, I’m scared.

I really want to believe all these nice predictions but, at the same time, I just don’t. Does it ever pan out that a guy is just not ready to commit and so he goes cold and comes back and figures it out? Does that ever REALLY happen? Or is it a giant myth that’s out there? Something that’s been perpetuated but isn’t really true?

Maybe the cold, hard truth is that he doesn’t actually love me, no matter what he says. He doesn’t actually even like me all that much.

And if that last reader is right on the outside, and let’s say it IS 2-3 months, that pretty much brings us all the way to my birthday. I mean, it could be 2-3 years, it could be never. I guess eventually I would figure it out, but it’s a terrible thing to do to someone, to have no idea if you are done with them or you are just taking space. Figuring it out.

But that’s under the assumption that he knew he was done.

Skarlet, and this new person both tell me to basically be sweet and light with him, not to be upset with the silences, and so on. But I don’t know if I can do sweet and light. I don’t know if I have it in me anymore to pretend like things are fine, when they aren’t. Even though I know it won’t change anything. Sure, I can do no drama, and I can not bring things up, but I don’t know if I would end up seeming cold. I could play the game though, and be coy/mysterious/aloof about it.

I suppose I’m just awful lonely, and I feel like it’s been unfair, and I don’t feel peace with God over this. I feel angry. I feel alone.

Maybe it would be best if I just pretended to myself he told me that he didn’t think this was going to work, and that he hopes we can recover some part of our friendship, and he was going to give me space in the meantime so that I can get over it.

I guess I’m still having trouble accepting that it’s *him* — not some random guy I met. Someone who was always there for me for a large period of time in my life, who I thought was too good for me many times, who I kind of had on a pedestal but was happy to have so much love from as a friend. And then to find out it was not just friend love but romantic love, and now to have neither.

I just at least thought that if I didn’t work out…he would talk to me when it ended. End it on good terms. :/ But then, it might not be an ending..and that’s why he didn’t talk to me? Still. Sucks. Either way you slice it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Men who run hot and cold

I’ve been thinking more & more about the situation with Sky, trying to figure out what I feel. I end up at a flatness.

Katarina Phang posted a blog yesterday about men who run hot and cold and what to do, and one thing she wrote really stung me in the face:

How do you treat people and things you treasure?

Ugh. I mean she also said:

I will also blow cold when I sense you want something from me: something I’m not prepared or at liberty to give to you.

…which in my story is probably more likely what it is, based on what I know…

but the first quote still rings true. If he really valued me in his life; if he really didn’t want to let some other guy come in and scoop me up… he wouldn’t leave space for it to happen.

Which follows with, he doesn’t want to commit to the relationship so he is staying away.

Still, sometimes I feel like maybe I’m just a dummy. Maybe everything my readers say is them laughing all the way to the bank. But then I stop myself and realize I stay with my main resource since she has simply been right this entire time. Which follows that he should be back…

I guess I’m really struggling this time. Anyway, I have a date booked with someone who could be pretty attractive. He was a little creepy though as he found old modeling pics of me and wanted more. Oops. We haven’t even met.

Back to Sky. I still feel this ..almost feeling of eerie quietness, like I saw a ghost, his entire person doesn’t exist. Like if he texted me it would just be some “thing” from the Universe and isn’t quite real.

If he does, why should I even respond? What, he’s gonna invite me on another vacation, or flirt with me, and whatever, and then what?

And I guess it’s entirely possible that he’s just got someone else. Although why on earth you would blow a ton of money on a hotel suite with me, dinner, drinks, etc. if you’ve got another person in the wings is beyond me. He didn’t have to see me, and I didn’t ask to see him other than saying I hoped I would back on Veteran’s Day. Unless he met someone else or someone reached out the day after?

Holy shit. Maybe that’s it. He got a Merry Christmas text from someone he thought was unavailable to him. Who is local. I guess I need to assume that that’s it because you don’t just disappear to someone you love. YOU FUCKING LOVE. Why did he have to all go saying he loved me and such. If he didn’t, I guess I could make more sense out of it…

:/

If things were so good, why did he go into his cave?

I talked to Skarlet again today. That’s three times this week! But honestly, Sky going completely silent has been weird.

I finally asked the right question, which was – if things were so good between us, why did he distance himself this time?

And she confirmed what I already have heard — the whole theory about a man, getting really close/emotional to a woman, and then losing himself in a way. She said, he can’t stop thinking about me, and he’s trying to center himself, doing this with a friend and talking to that person, and it throws him off balance. And just like when you touch a hot stove, you don’t think about it you just immediately take your hand back. It’s not that he thinks about it or knows what he’s doing really, he just does it.

And that, Sky is a masculine man. He’s not an artist or a poet, he’s not a communicator, he’s not asking for help from anyone. He wants/needs to figure it out by himself.

And you know what? I don’t believe it just because she says it, but it *feels* right.

She also said that my logic in the past, that he distanced because there was some friction in the past, wasn’t correct. It’s because of the emotions he felt, which made him uncomfortable, and he was trying to focus on other things, to build his career, and so on.

It not being about his feelings for me wavering, or wanting to be with me, fits! It fits because why else would he keep coming back over the past year? It’s not like there’s much in it for him, if he was just bored — I’m way up here, and he’s down there.

Skarlet also said that the love he allowed himself to feel for me when touching me, isn’t even all of what he feels. He doesn’t let himself go all the way there just yet.

And that in the past visit when he was here, the reason he was able to text when he got on the plane to go home was cause he didn’t open that door to his heart as much. He held back in not touching me, though he really wanted to – and he didn’t want me to think he was using me by being with me, going home, and not bringing things forward.

She said I won’t know the why right now, and she’s not getting that from God — but when I am 70, looking back on my life, it will all make sense. To trust God that the timing is Divine, and to pray that the right thoughts go through Sky’s head, to pray that God doesn’t make me wait,  and to talk to God like he’s my father.

Sky tells me he isn’t sure if he has the heart he once had. I told him then that he shows it to me every now and then and so I am convinced he does. Maybe not exactly the same but it’s there. And this past visit absolutely showed that to me. We are perfect together. This is also why I think love comes from God, because when I think about how amazing this man is, I don’t quite understand how he could be so in love with a woman like me. But then I suppose in true love, that’s how you feel about each other.

 

 

 

 

 

Quite the update – Best Christmas Gift Ever.

Hello all.

Well, well, well.

Here’s what happened since my last post. As I said last post, I didn’t ask much if/when we would see each other when he was home, in fact I didn’t say much at all about it.

My last day at the office before it shut down was Tuesday. After work I got invited to grab drinks with coworkers. Wednesday was a Work From Home day… well, during the evening Sky and I start chatting and he suddenly realizes I’m working from home the next day, and then he brings up getting together and the idea for staying in the city for the night comes up.

So, he finds a hotel, gets a room (A suite!!!!) and I book Mel in with her sitter, and we had the most amazing night.

Within 30 minutes he was telling me he missed me and then while we were at the bar he started saying the buried “i love you” – like, “i love you you’re so cute” (and keeps going). The first time I ignored it, the second time he did it (about a minute later) I said I love you too.

He would randomly tell me: Kiss me. And I would, and it felt amazing to just be with him.

When we said hello in his room he told me he likes when we’re not fighting (again), and of course I probably smiled and kissed him.

I also brought up to him how he used to write me letters back in the day, and he told me he wrote a lot that he didn’t send. I said, can we do that again? Send letters? and he said you can send me letters, just put them where I can find them and are not surprised by them, and tell me about them. But did his “don’t answer the question” thing when talking about him sending them to me, haha. Of course.

Anyway, he was very cuddly, calling me hunny again, giving me super gentle kisses at certain times, just being his wonderful, amazing self that I absolutely love. While on the couch snuggling I kissed him and told him he was my favorite, and he kissed me and said you’re my favorite too. Then we were talking about, I think, stuff we have to add to the list, and I’m fuzzy on the details but somehow it came up that he’s traveled 30,000 miles in a day before, or something like that.

So it kind of sounded like the part of him that was saying this could work. (And he knows he’s come home and turned round in the same day before for his grandma’s birthday).

He was just so snuggly, literally wrapping me up completely. I eventually said we should move to the bedroom, which we did. He wanted to sleep, and I said something like my sleepy man who works too much and he said yep, but he was still all cuddly. Then I kind of started kissing his neck and made him wake up, we had sex for a bit but, my body wasn’t cooperating (ha) and he kind of shushed me. But we did a few positions. He wasn’t gonna get there, then he said he needed a break and then we fell asleep; the next morning he woke me up with a raging hard cock and took me in the spoon position, which turned to me giving him head which turned to him finishing on my face/chest.

And then we slept in for a little; he asked what time I have to be at places (cause he had to go do stuff) – and then he met up with a friend for breakfast and we said our goodbyes.

He gave me the sex toys of ours that he got for us, and told me to keep them charged; to plug them in once a month or so. He said he wanted me to feel special.

We said our I love yous when we said goodbye… it was a wonderful night.

And, funnily enough, just like Skarlet predicted – last minute fabulous date. The idea of meeting with a friend came up but the friend wasn’t around; and she had also predicted there might be a last minute meet-up with a friend.

He texted me a few minutes after I left, to tell me to drive safe, which he has never done before. 🙂 But that conversation didn’t last long, and he didn’t text me for the rest of the day.

I took that kind of hard, since I’m used to all-day texting when he’s focused on me; although I am learning to relax. It just seems like, while he says he has these feelings and such and it really feels that way, he doesn’t necessarily act like it when we aren’t together.

This morning, Christmas Day, the not talking was getting to me, so I sent him a cute little text (I know it’s “leaning forward” but it’s also good manners, as Skarlet would say — stressing not expecting a response) and he did respond and called me “hunny” as in “Merry Christmas to you too hunny, hugggggggs” but, he hasn’t talked to me much other than that.

Last time he was home the same type of thing happened, but I felt like it meant things weren’t good between us for whatever reason. However, it happened for no discernible reason — he just got him to his family’s house and then it was like I dropped off his radar. I’m sure he doesn’t tell me everything; and he does tend to mainly focus on what he’s doing when out with people/around people instead of being on his phone, which I like.

It’s just so hard for me to discern if it’s cause, he’s an asshole, and kind of made this elaborate plan to seduce/see me, but doesn’t actually feel more than that. And I don’t know if him giving me the sex toys is cause, he’s telling me he’s not using them with other people/sleeping with other people; or if it’s because he wouldn’t use them with other people anyway. What he said was he’s not gonna use them by himself, but one of the things he gave me was the cock ring we use?

When we slept together, he was touching me all night long, either I was all wrapped up, or he was turned away from me but we let our feet touch to still be in touch with each other… just everything was wonderful.

And of course now I’m like, or was it? Maybe he didn’t think it was?

I guess the only way to tell is to see what happens in a few weeks.

On the other hand, we finally got in a good visit. Like a really good one. It’s the first one where things seemed to just go really, really well. And when we said goodbye he said, yayyy we didn’t kill each other! Maybe we just start by keeping visits to under 24 hours!

And at one point while we were at the bar he said, we are just stupid. We were talking about how we try again and again and again, and I couldn’t tell if he was saying it because he thinks we are stupid cause we keep trying again, or if we were stupid cause we keep not getting together.

I just feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me that much. It’s so freaking confusing.

He does circle back, but it’s kind of bizarre not knowing what’s going on when he isn’t talking to me?

On the plus side, he did talk about the toys like we would use them again. And when I mentioned meeting in a hotel bar and role-playing and said not now but in the future he agreed that later on yes.

I’m obsessing kinda, huh? Oh well. I guess I will see when he feels like talking to me again!!

What a wonderful night; but what a let-down to see him act like it didn’t happen afterwards. Still, even my mom said I bet he’s thinking of the next time he will see you.

If I apply the theory called Occam’s razor; he’s probably preoccupied and enjoying the moment with family and friends. And I got him to an entire night all to myself, and it was absolutely wonderful, so I should hold on to the good times and treasure it.

We are building our relationship, and that night just kind of proves that we are both right about how great things can be together. As my mom put it, he is just being himself – he’s in and out, and has been all year.

But I do want to ask Skarlet why he kind of dropped the communication level afterwards. I also have no idea what he’s thinking about us, if I watched his actions it would seem like he’s gone the other way, but at the same time given he does most of his thinking when he’s silent with me — perhaps this is a good thing. I guess I will wait and see what happens in the next few days and then give Skarlet a ring and see what she says.

At the end of the day though, again I did nothing wrong here — his backing off is really all him and his own “stuff”. I really don’t think he’s the type of man to say I love you lightly, or I miss you even. I think it takes a lot for him to say it at all.

And him needing some time to digest, well sure. And Skarlet did say that when he left here he’d end up thinking he didn’t get enough time with me, and that a trip is coming up soon.

So it’s really just a matter of time. I guess if he is really running away again then if we hit January I will sign up for Tinder again.

If I am honest, I am afraid we won’t actually get together. That this loving togetherness didn’t mean much to him. But then again, I have to trust the connection.

If I think about my past experiences, you can’t generate that kind of wonderful time with just anyone. The cuddling, the mutual physical, mental and emotional attraction, the mutual I love yous.

I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed soon. Anyway, a magical wonderful evening. Finally. I knew we had it in us. It’s what’s present in our conversations when things are good between us; and I wanted so much to see it in person. If I think about it, the only reason things got *really* messy last time really is because I brought up other women/us and what we are. Previously it’s all kind of been him, but usually after I alluded to us and such. Either way, when the door is open is when we can build our connection, and I’m so glad we got to. ❤

You either value me, or you’re out.

Gahh. Still no more communication from Sky :/ . Ha. It’s hard, the first few days, but I am pushing forward. I mean honestly, who wants to spend their time chatting to/send nudey pics and videos to a guy who puts in ZERO effort? No. I’m worth so much more. You either value me, or you’re out.

Doesn’t mean I don’t miss him, though. I wish I didn’t. I don’t even know why I do, he was being kind of a jerk the last few days. Or not even kind of. He was just plain old, being a jerk.

And a thought occurred to me, that it must not be the same for him — feelings wise. Or, he’d want to talk. So, here goes ..letting it go. Again. Although this time, I am not going to reach out. If he’s not going to put any effort it, or even really signal that he wants this, then… I am only leading myself on by talking to him.

On the same token, I’ve re-downloaded Tinder and am talking to some people. I am going to force myself to get back out there, and be treated nicely. Just cause a guy “slips” and says we have our whole lives to figure something out, doesn’t mean he’s acting on it right now, which means…why does it matter? He clearly thinks/knows/believes we will be in each other’s lives for a while, so – if that’s the case – he can show me he wants me in his life. I feel as if I’ve already done that.

I didn’t go out with my Trophy Husband as I was upset about Sky, and annoyed at the whole situation. Plus, Trophy Husband didn’t “let me know” about Saturday like he said he would — instead what I got was, “So what are you thinking for tomorrow?” (on sat, about Sunday) so I told him I made plans to work since I didn’t hear from him, but there’s always this weekend – to which he said, oh no big deal was just looking forward to seeing you/I thought we had plans.

Welp. I guess let’s see how long he lets it go for — but I have to not care. Not count. Even though I most certainly will count… it’s just that, maybe it’s better for us to not talk — or at least, better for me, since he doesn’t seem to want to even try to move it forward, we can’t spend time together, and all us talking is doing is keeping me attached.

Funny thing is, things have been happening exactly the way Skarlet said. First, she said I would message him – and I did. Then, she said it would be more friendly and maybe not talking every day but every few days here and there. Last call, she said it’s best to do it this way since that’s what lets him move forward – being friendly, flirty, with Freudian slips — and then she said, we’d chat for 2-3 weeks and then he’d back off for 5 days when he realizes it’s getting too close, and — we chatted for three weeks and now he’s backed off. So, I suppose it might be 5 days, but who knows? She doesn’t do timing. But she did say 100% guaranteed he will always be back. So, I guess I just have to wait for that?? Or not wait. But see it happen?

& just like that – we’re back. Rubber band has snapped back. Dafuq

I get a text today from Sky. 12:55 pm. “Okay. I think I am coming out of my foggyness.”

Yep.

And I didn’t see that at first. He hit me up on google talk and said “hug hug”

Da fuq.

Like seriously.

And we chatted for a bit and now he brings up this coming visit like, what are our plans? Like Oh everything is normal. lol. Of course I respond with something about how I was about to ask him if I should return my dress or not. But I’m being flirty too. Little ribbing because – well – he caved out on me!

A little while later, (some conversation later) he asks if we might want to spend more than just the weekend together. (The wedding we are going to is in a diff state, he has a hotel booked for two nights…) – and he had before told me he was going to stay with his family during the week (Mon Tues Wed)

!!!!

Like I Can’t. Even. And I never say that. I’m sitting here thinking how anxious and oblivious and worried and sad I’ve been, and he’s all “lets do this and this and this” literally …he’s supposed to be here in…4 freaking days. Way to cut it close.

But at the same time… I’m happy. 🙂

And it’s true. As the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus describes in his book – when the rubber band snaps back. It snaps. The fuck. Back. Pick up right where left off.

So … example of not chasing – although I sent a few texts – not pushing – and he sorted himself out and boomeranged back into my life. !!! How ya like THEM apples.

When your friends say enough is enough

Welp.

There comes a time when your friends just say enough is enough and stop wanting to hear you upset about a guy. Meaning they tell you to ditch the guy.

That happened. The one person who was supportive and positive and truly there about it.

I understand. I do. But sometimes you just want someone to be supportive no matter what. When people say, they are supportive, but then write a paragraph or go into a full-fledged thing about their concerns and why you shouldn’t do what you’re doing… well, where is most of their energy.

I have some more thoughts on psychic readings – I keep getting that the wild card here in the relationship with Sky is me. As in I might get tired of it and choose another path. But he won’t. Then again, he’s not the one who keeps getting hurt. I had something similar said to me the other day, that psychic readings and what they think you will do – you have free will – they can only tell you what’s available to you, if you choose it.

I still haven’t heard much from him. I keep getting, from readings, that work is really pissing him off. And the way he deals with it is shutting everyone out (not just me) and white-knuckling it. Today’s reader said that if we were married I would know more but as it is now, I’m the same as everyone else.

I did get some advice today. That if it gets to the weekend, send a message – very casual about needing to know if I should keep the dress I bought that he chose for this wedding I was supposed to be accompanying him to.

I can do that. That way I’m not doing nothing. And then at least I know. A thought just occurred: Maybe he hasn’t said anything about it yet because he doesn’t know if he’s coming or not yet.

I love listening to Joel Osteen’s sermons when I’m going through tough times. Listening to one right now which is about how God will bring you out better from every situation you go through.