The Pull Back Phase Part 2: Consider What REALLY Matters

OK, so I was looking at my Blog Stats, and almost all of my “new” traffic (which, I can’t believe I actually have traffic, haha) is because of what I wrote about the pull back phase.

Here’s what I wrote:

Another topic: The rubberbanding/pull-back phase/pre-attachment freakout. Does it exist?

 

Ok, yes, I think it does exist for some couples. But what I’ve seen is that usually the woman in the relationship ends up feeling so hurt/abandoned/annoyed that by the time he returns, she’s not into it anymore. Some of my friends say it doesn’t exist when it’s *right.* Myself, I think that love is like the lottery – some people win it big, and others have to chip away at that grind stone but they will still end up OK in the end.

 

Personally, I’ve definitely had guys freak out/pull back/say they didn’t want anything and break it off and then return a few weeks -3 months later. And almost always I have no longer been interested. But does that mean I wasn’t truly interested to begin with? Maybe.

Now. 

I’ve had a little more experience since then, so maybe I’m a little bit wiser. I’d like to add to what I wrote.

If you are searching for the pull back phase because the guy or girl you were getting to know is suddenly less…present, in your life, then really, you are not going to know why, or what happened, or if you did something. Accept it. I’m sorry if that seems tough, but I wish someone would have just said that to me.

Because you know, your friends, they are all well-meaning, and, “maybe he’s just busy” or “well, you need to not want it as much, that turns guys off…yes I know you don’t think you want it or act like it, but I know deep down you do, so that’s what’s making them run.” Gee. THANKS.

You can analyze every text, sentence of a conversation, action you made or they did, but at the end of all this analyzing you won’t know exactly what happened in the other person’s mind unless they decide to tell you. And trust me, ASKING them is NOT going to work. Guys, especially, will not open up that much emotionally unless THEY are the one initiating the conversation.

Here’s what matters: Your life, now. I know it sucks and doesn’t feel good to have someone you were starting to like, that was making your life a little happier, go silent on you, or give you breadcrumbs. I’ve been there too many times to want to count.

But chances are, they aren’t bumming out because they’re the one kind of leaving you in the dark. They are doing whatever they feel like until they decide…IF they decide to address whatever it is they’re feeling, and get back to you.

So, unfortunately, you’ve got to find the strength to end your own pain over this situation. I’m not saying hate them, I’m saying let it go…for now. And if they suddenly snap out of it, and return to you, you can decide what to do…THEN. But, basically, YOUR best option is to pretend like they won’t. 

I’m sorry, I know you really just want to know that yes, the pullback phase is real, and yes, everyone always comes out of it and decides they want to be with you!

But, the truth is..(and, I would rather have the hard truth than some fluff that makes me feel better now, but worse in the long run…) the truth is, sometimes people decide they don’t want to be with you. 

No matter what, though, if the person you were interested in has backed off a little, you HAVE to remain as cool as a cucumber about it, at least from their perspective (even if you are dying inside). At least if you want the best possible chance of a future with them. If not, then hey, tell them exactly how you feel if it will make you feel better. But expect that to be the last of whatever it is you had.

This means, no cryptic Facebook lyric statuses, no “did you get my text/call/voicemail” or IMing in any way/platform, it means pretending you don’t see them online on Facebook, or whatever other IM you use, it means NOT texting them if they haven’t texted you, no matter what funny story/thing you want to tell them, even if it relates to whatever you talked about last time you saw/talked to them. Trust me, they will see through it.

And then, when/if they do get in touch, as much as you want to be like, DAMN YOU WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH HOW CAN YOU BE SO SELFISH WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS!! 

…No, you don’t do that. 🙂

Instead you act like, no time has passed, you’re not mad, etc. etc. etc. But blog writer, you think, isn’t this not being true to myself??? Sure, you’re right, actually. But it’s choosing your battles and ignoring this one for the greater good. Eyes on the prize.

Then, later, when you’re happily in coupledom, you can be like, Hey, remember that time when you kind of stopped talking to me? OMG I was so mad at you, hahaha. And then he’ll be like, Really? Yeah IDK I just didn’t know what I wanted (or whatever), I’m sorry, I had no idea it affected you like that. And THEN you’ll find out what happened. 

But for now, all you really have is today, so you might as well try to put aside your hurt feelings and enjoy your life. In whatever way that means to you. Hang with friends (and DON’T TALK ABOUT IT), watch a good TV show, go for a run, play with your pets, whatever it is that makes you happy and made you happy before this person showed up. Even better, do really cool exciting things, so when they do show up, and ask how you’ve been, you can be like: great! I climbed a mountain and volunteered at a soup kitchen. Then they’ll not only be impressed, but realize they have been wayyy out of touch with you. 

To summarize:

  • It doesn’t matter the reason, or if they are coming back from the pull back phase or not. 
  • What matters is you and your life RIGHT NOW and the things you CAN control (which isn’t them).
  • Let it go (for now).
  • Be as cool as a cucumber when/if they get back in touch (I call this being a “Dumb Fox” – learned that phrase from Why Men Love Bitches or something like that) to give it the best chance of a good outcome
  • Hang in there. Truth is, it’s all bullshit til you find the right one anyway. 🙂 Just consider it dating practice!

 

 

 

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Flirtationships / He’s Just Not That Into Me / Please Excuse My Winter Blahs.

I’m starting to get into the swing of things at my new job. Except I’m getting too into it, I’m staying til 7. There’s just a lot to do. I don’t know. I got home today and my puppy broke out of her crate, and pooped in the living room, and also decided to redecorate the house with trash that used to be in the trash can. Needless to say, NOT happy. 

And, totally silent on the end of the guy I was interested in. Which means I haven’t heard from him, really, since I saw him last. OK, not true, I texted him about something job related and he got back to me two days later, and that was last Wednesday (aka, a week ago). But, clearly I was low, low priority to get back to, and he has no discernable active interest in furthering our flirtationship.

Which does nothing really but prove a point, that he wasn’t that interested (OK, may be too soon to call that) ..or is only casually interested, which isn’t what I’m looking for. I mean, what’s he gonna do, message me this weekend to make plans? I just do not understand how a guy who is supposedly into you or interested in getting to know you doesn’t want to talk to you other than to make plans to see you.

But that’s just it, he’s probably not that into me, or wasn’t. And now I’m slipping into the, oh man, my life is just work and my pets and sleep and friends and family, and that’s it. And the scary thought that it might not ever change and just stay that way. That I could still be renting a shared apartment and living with pets when I’m 35. 

It’s also winter and that usually ends up making things slightly gloomier for me. Please excuse my blahs.

I just want my life to be exciting, or at least, I want to meet that special guy I have feelings for *who returns those feelings and knows what he wants*. Besides the guy I was crushing on, there were a few others, some I don’t even write about on the blog because I just don’t want to spend the time writing it out… 

I’ll tell ya, why does it seem that it’s the ones you don’t have an interest in who want you, and the ones who are only half interested in you, are the ones you want to get to know more? Or, why does that seem to happen to me and certain other girls, while, certain girls don’t even ever really encounter this? Maybe it’s just my current frame of reference. Cause I know I’ve “dated’ guys (if you can count two – 4 months as dating) who it was all hot and fiery on both sides with. It just never lasted. Sigh.

 

The Orange Juicer / Guys Mental Commitment Timelines… so weird.

alright……

That pretty much sums up how I feel. Saw the most recent interest this weekend… but, again, not in the way I wanted. He went out with his friends, said he’d be free later, and asks me to pick up him from the bar, we go back to his place, basically have a sex marathon, annnnd cuddle and sleep.  Ok when I say sex marathon, I mean:

  • bedroom
  • living room bending me over the couch
  • bedroom again
  • bathroom with me up on the counter. So. Fucking. Hot. I swear I fell in love and started panicking. Cause he was doing the eye-contact fucking thing, which, eye contact while having sex for extended periods of time is hypnotizing. All of a sudden I was like, fuck, I’m falling in love with this kid already. It got WAY to intense.  But, I’m not falling in love, it was just the sex got REALLY intimate. Then he wanted to cum inside me, but again that’s like, kind of serious for me, so I said no.
  • …and again in the morning.

For some wacky reason I decide that while I’m giving him head is a good time to ask him what the deal is about him not ever talking to me. (Ok, I was three martinis deep. Which, I had gotten by going out for drinks with another guy. I know, seems a little fucked up, but, drunken decisions aren’t the brightest ones). He basically said he doesn’t like texting, so I said, then just call me, and he said OK. Etc. So, supposedly he is going to start calling me… when we parted ways, I said call me this week and he said he would.

Ok, so after we woke up we did go out to brunch, actually the place was really good, and he starts talking about marriage.

This is where the line gets so friggin blurry with this kid. Ok, so, it seems like just sex, even tho he said no, the door is open for more (but, actions not words) …and then this morning for example he’s typing in his computer password and he says outloud “I love (my name)” and of course I just laugh.

But we’re at breakfast, and he brings up marriage. As a topic. Which leads to him saying that he is at the beginning of everyone getting married and that I must be right in the thick of it (I’m 2 years older) and he jokingly says, well, you should just get married then. So I look down and smile, look back up and say “yeah…about that….” and laugh in a, “not happening anytime soon” way.

And that goes in to him talking about how some of his friends have girlfriends they are marrying or will marry but his friends still cheat on all the time, and he thinks it’s ridiculous (I agreed). Then he was talking about how he is always the single guy, so he’s feeling pressure from his family, etc, because now at events he’s like, the only one without a significant other. And he is talking about how his mom jokes that he will be 42 and marry a 28 year old divorcee, then says she’s been right about everything so far, but it’s just a joke (etc).  And then it’s how he’s been picky with women but in a good way, not wanting to hold on to a girl because he didn’t want to hurt her, but ultimately cause he knew she wasn’t the right one. And how he feels like when he does get married, he will fully commit and not be tempted by things.

And I’m sitting there, like, OK, so how do I fit into this picture. But you all know me (if you don’t I’ll tell you anyway,) I may use this blog to get all the crazy overanalyzing chick thoughts out, but in person I’m cool as a freaking cucumber. Like, couldn’t have played it out better.

So to test the waters, I said, “so is this weird for you…?” meaning breakfast. Us hanging out. And he said “this? no, I havent taken you to a wedding yet” (laughing).  Ok, he said yet. Interesting. May mean nothing, may be a good thing. But I continue:

“I’m in not rush for that stuff, granted, guys have a lot longer to figure it out than women do, and yeah I want a family one day, but I’d rather just find the guy when I find him and not rush stuff and have it be the right guy, than be pushing because I want kids someday.”

Hmm what else… so, he DID ask who I went out with last night before I met up with him. “friends”  then I said, “well, *a* friend.”

And then he dug a little… “oh? like a hot date type friend?”

and I was getting dressed at the time, so I kind of laughed (like fuck how did he know) but just answered “it was my friend (so and so’s) cousin” without actually saying the person was male or female. He probably knew I was being dicey but, what am I going to say?

Yeah I went out with a guy last night, we’re not exclusive as far as I know, what of it? Are you asking cause you want to be exclusive?

I felt like he would have been pissed. I think he expects loyalty, even though he isn’t putting anything on the table.

Also at brunch he was like, talking about cooking again so I ask when I’m going to get to see it, and he’s like “soon, definitely soon” or something. Ok, so he might cook for me.

And when I picked him up, before I agreed to it, I said on one condition (and he said, yeah?) and I said: you bring me with you next time, and he agreed. We will see.

And we talked about the movies, and he is going away next weekend so he said the weekend after that. So I said, if you don’t wanna see it just tell me, and he’s like, no i do, etc etc. OKay.

OK, sidenote: He brought up fresh squeezed orange juice and how they had a juicer as a kid etc, and he wants one really bad. But, apparently not until he’s married, because I offered to get one for his birthday, and he like freaked out and was like, “I’m not ready for that.” I just said, it’s just a juicer… cause to me, like, live it up if you want a juicer get one lol.

But he apparently has his little plan and a juicer comes in after he gets married. He actually talked about it as something that he’d put on his registry. I laughed and said, you already knew what’s going on your registry? LOL.

He also told me he thought I’d fit right in on some website named after an onion (but not the onion) where girls upload pics of themselves scantily clad etc. And then he immediately said, not that I want you doing that.  He’s just so all over the place. Can’t make heads or tails of him.

But yeah. IDK. I did like him a lot initially, and now I’m just like…. well, sex doesn’t matter to me, I mean it’s fun and great to have good sex. But that doesn’t really make a guy stand out in my mind. I had fun talking at brunch etc except, it just sounded a bunch like a guy who might be emotionally unavailable. Or, he’s evaluating me as someone to fill that slot in his life. Either way, I’m tired of not getting what I want. It’s all sex, and we’ve been out a few times, but I guess I’m tired of doing the heavy lifting myself. Like, if this guy doesn’t call me, I’m never talking to him again. Unless he talks to me first. I’m just done!

The other guy I went out with, is like all about me. He’s like its awesome that youre beautiful and intelligent, and he texted me today to be like between the espresso and being excited about you i didn’t get much sleep last night, next time let’s do sangrias, I had fun. And he has this awesome job trading oil securities, but, IDK, he’s kind of short. Some guys are short and I find really attractive, but he’s only semi attractive and short. So IDK. We will see.

 

Worried About Being a Booty Call? Woman Up and Put Your Foot Down!

The latest crush started to worry me because, after we took that step and slept together, all he wanted to do was get together and watch a movie… Ahem. We all know what that means. And, I don’t want to sell myself short by making it just about one thing. I also didn’t want to offend the guy in case he is innocent by talking about it the wrong way.

So, my answer was to suggest going to a movie! He agreed… Seemed excited, then day of the date said timing might be close and why don’t I just come over and chill and see the movie another time. Lol. So I get annoyed but politely say, how about we reschedule? Let me know when you can make it!

Then we get into a turf war…well, not really, but basically from there I had to say “I don’t want to be a fuck buddy, but I’m not saying be my boyfriend today, but I don’t want to have the what-are-we conversation” in a classy non-dramatic way. Tough one!!!

Basically I played cute and coy and he said I haven’t seen you in a while don’t you at least want to cuddle? So I said. I love cuddling with you but the “cuddling” is distracting and we need to be balanced, that’s why I suggested the movies … He said i understand your logic but not happy with your decision why can’t we just have a quiet night in and do the movies later?

So I muscled up all my courage …and replied, i like quiet nights in but for that to happen I need to know whatever is going on here is about more than just cuddling..

And he was a little slow to respond but replied, I understand. I think you’re being very cautious and not just letting yourself have fun!

And I thought, way to avoid the elephant in the room! So I grabbed that bull by the horns, ladies and, sent back: if I sleep with a guy I will get feelings. I don’t need promises but I do need to know the door is open

He wrote back. Of course the door is open, why else would I be doing this?

I said well you called me a booty call last time I was there (new text) but ok, I can see its not like that now. and he said he didn’t mean it that way was making a joke that obviously went badly etc

…and then we made plans, and had a great quiet night in 🙂 ended with him saying lets do the movies this week or weekend and tentative plans for me to go to his Sunday basketball games sometime.

I even jokingly called him the worst texter in the world when i was at his place and he said, if we texted the way you want to we would be texting all day, maybe I should just tell you ok I’m going to shower now tho instead of leaving you hanging..and I said.yes! And no, I don’t want to text all day, but I like to hear from you when I don’t see you..

And he said, aww well there is nothing wrong with that! He also gave me a back rub and made us cookies, and we snuggled all night.

So, I’m trying not to get ahead of myself but, part of me is on cloud 9.

🙂

Moral of the story: I was really scared I was being put in the booty call zone (aka, girl who would never be my girlfriend, aka, male equivalent is friend zone)..but I’m wise enough to know, it’s way too soon to say, what is this? Because half the signs aren’t there anyway, so I’d be setting myself up for disappointment, AND, he’d probably scare and run away crushing any actual chances if there were any.

Judging buy the zillion Google hits that come up on, is this just a booty call? A bunch of girls are out there with the same conundrum: how to keep cool and approach the subject, without being offensive. Cause “im not gonna be some side ho” isn’t classy and, guys hate drama.

Bottom line is, you’ve got to mentally toughen up and set your boundaries hard. So, while I was texting with this guy, I’m telling myself “I don’t give a f-k” over and over in case he was like, oh…ok. Or something that hinted yes, I don’t want a relationship, or some shit. But deep down I was freakinggg outt, lol.

And, you’ve got to be willing to walk away.

My answer was to see of he’d go out on a real date with me. That way I didn’t have to ask directly. When his answer went from yes to later, come over now, I put my foot down and got an answer.

Don’t let the guy get what he wants if it’s making you feel small inside. It might hurt, to see if he will or wont step up when you raise the bar, but the genius behind this method (of asking him out on a real date and not seeing him otherwise) is, you don’t have a conversation guys hate when it’s premature anyway. and sleeping with him without having the guts to speak up/stand your ground for what you really want will never make your situation better. He won’t magically decide, wow, I should treat her way better, and maybe ask her to be my girlfriend, what was I thinking!! I can promise you that one.

One other tip: I read a book, Have Him at Hello, (by Rachel Greenwald), What Makes 1,000 Guys Fall in Love or Never Call Back. It really shows you how guys scare SO easy, and will take the smallest thing we do or say, not even thinking about it like that, and he will decide he shouldn’t date us.

I recognized a few things I do in there (not a ton) and one of the reasons I said to him, I don’t need promises, instead of, I don’t wanna get hurt/am being cautious / am trying to protect myself is because, I specifically read that one guy said, he couldn’t guarantee he would never hurt this woman he was dating, so instead of risk it he ended things/stopped calling.

I def recommend reading her book. It gives insight and maybe will shine light on some behaviors you have you don’t even realize may be turning off just slightly enough that they decide you’re not for them!!

I Asked Him Out (and I NEVER Do That!)

Yep, you read the title. I asked the current interest out. I never do that, I usually subscribe to the dating theory of let the guy do all the work initially, because guys are hunters and like the chase and all that jazz.

Plus, I hadn’t heard a peep out out of him since I turned him down for New Years (even tho he got back to me/asked last minute) and my friend said I probably wounded his ego even tho it was arrogant to think I might be free still, especially with the thanks, no can do, maybe next time response I gave.

She prompted me to ask him out so I did, via text. To clarify my last text I said, hey sorry I couldn’t meet up it was just too last minute on a big night, but I did want to see you, I got movie tix for Christmas, come out with me 🙂

And he responded its ok yes I’ll go out to the movies with you! And then suggested a movie, and we set a date for Saturday.

He did say his cousin will be in town but and he has to make sure he wont still be here and he will “get rid of him” for then.

And girls I had SO MUCH ANXIETY about it!! After, I mean. Like I started double thinking everything. Should I have even asked him? He doesn’t really talk to me between dates, except to set up the next one, he blew New Years, he called the last time we got together a 4 pm booty call… But now we are going to the movies, supposedly.

On the plus side he has always returned my texts (except for the one about New Years) in a decent amount of time, he can make dates with me ahead of time although he does do last minute too, he gives me plenty of compliments. And what have I done? Nothing, but show up. He probably doesn’t even think I’m that interested, except for when I make it dead pan obvious.

Ok, next time I see him I will compliment him on at least 2 things, and use two techniques I read about last night:

1) mirroring. This sounds creepy but apparently it works wonders. Basically if you’re across from them you mirror whatever body movements they are doing (the subtle ones). If you are next to them you do the same thing.

2) prolonged eye contact.

3) be appreciative whenever I can

4) don’t be bossy or future talk

And then asking for the next date is up to him. Depending on how it goes.

Sheesh! Who knew dating required all this thought. Too much thinking, not enough doing. I think I will also accept the date another guy asked me on to try to get more balanced.

Ok he is not my boyfriend we are just dating, but assuming the movies happens,

Here’s to Single Friends! & the When Do I Sleep With Him Dilemma

My single friends are becoming more and more like diamonds in the rough. Seriously. When you’re in your early 20s, everyone kind of does the dating thing and we all fall down every once in a while, laugh it off and keep going.

But then people start finding the right one for them, and one day you realize most of your friends are in serious, long term relationships. And sure, hanging out with them is great (once they are passed the lovey-dovey stage), but it stops being that same kind of, we are all on the same page here, fun. You’re the only one sharing dating war stories, and they can’t really do the normal “counter-share” because their problems are actual relationship, or engagement, or marriage problems. You’re sitting there all, “why didn’t he respond to my text??” and she’s all, “this bridesmaid is stressing me out because…”.

Granted, deep down we know one day it will be us dealing with stresses that come with various relationship statuses. The thing I tell myself is, through going to/being in weddings, I’m learning which potholes to avoid when I one day have to plan my own wedding. But still, I do start to feel silly when I’m pouting over whether or not some guy I only sort of know will get back to me about something; it just seems so damn trivial in comparison!

So back to why I am starting to seriously appreciate my still single friends. I am so thankful for them because it helps me realize I’m NOT the only one dealing with stupid dating drama. And they are the go-tos for nights out (although I love when my paired up friends come out too!). So, cheers to you, singletons! You are all my diamonds.

Anyway, so one dating drama that always trips me up is the when to sleep together thing. You’ve got your “wait until commitment” camp, and your “if it’s meant to be it won’t matter” camp.

Here’s are my thoughts about waiting until a commitment: would you want a man who you aren’t sexually compatible with? I definitely don’t. It will kill a relationship for me. But, at the same time, I don’t want to fall into friends with benefits or the hookup category. Conundrum!!!

Same deal with the, two consenting adults/if it’s meant to be it won’t matter thing: There is a huge risk involved because, you hook up with a guy you like, and he might never call you again. Raise your hand if this happened to you!! (I’m raising my hand, ha).

So, talk about anguish!! I was thinking this morning, and I really started to wonder… Do all relationships these days start with hooking up?? Do the old rules of make him wait even apply? I usually try to wait 3 dates or so, but by then my curiosity is getting the better of me, too. Still, some people say “that’s kind of fast” to me. But I have a high sex drive. So I’m acting in accordance with what feels right to me. The thing is, after that the effort sometimes drops from the guy. :/

I mean, if you’re involved with attractive guys, if you sit there and say, “well, I don’t have sex until its a committed relationship,” he could easily go find another girl who will. Because maybe HE doesn’t want to make someone his girlfriend unless they’re sexually compatible, even if you know he wants a girlfriend. And that’s where the risk is. Now, I’m not at all saying sleep around, but maybe semi-casual sex isn’t as terrible as some people would have us believe.

Of course then it sucks when they stop calling or aren’t as attentive as you want, but.. If you’re honest with yourself, wouldn’t it still suck even if you didn’t sleep together???

If anyone out there has insight or thoughts on this topic, feel free to chime in.

The Annoying “Engaged” Facebook Statuses / What’s the Still Single Girl To Do?

Oh. My. God. Excuse me and forgive me for the post I am about to write, but if I read one more “2012 was amazing because I got engaged/had a baby” post I am going to puke.

Let’s face it, being late 20’s and single at an age where many women are getting married and/or having kids is a bummer, in a strange way… It sort of feels like you missed the ship, or, you’re failing at life. My best friend and I were talking yesterday and (FYI, she’s engaged) she pointed out that it really is just all luck and timing.

Today I Googled just that subject, and a whole bunch of posts came up. Some people are jealous of those engaged because they’ve been together with their boyfriend for 5 years and are watching others get engaged faster than them, some just broke up from long term relationships and now are faced with starting all over. And then there are young women like me, I’m sure, who just can’t seem to find a guy that fits for more than a few months at a time. Truth be told, I’ve only had one long relationship, but we didn’t even technically celebrate our anniversary because we were that couple who broke up every two weeks starting at 4 months.

But, someone’s response to a post on Lauren Conrad’s site caught my attention…

Georgia Bee October 9, 2010 Atlanta
I am a first time bride at 41. Let me tell you something about waiting:) Most of my friends got married around your age, the stragglers in their early 30s, some of them for the second time in their mid-30s. And I had nothin’, sometimes not even a date to their weddings. I’ll admit that I was often pea-green with envy and sometimes not very nice about it (which I really regret). Several have since been pea-green with envy when I bought really nice cars, traveled to Europe, etc. while they were stuck with a boring husband and screaming kids.

My fiance is 5 years younger than me. He was really adamant about buying a house and being able to afford an appropriate ring before we got engaged. Men propose when they are ready and they don’t want to be nagged about it. If they aren’t ready, you are really setting yourself up for major heartbreak down the road. Use this time to do things you want to do–travel, pay bills, save money, whatever. Also stay focused on if he is the right person for you and not just about the wedding.

Sorry this is long, but my point is–don’t let anyone else ever dictate what happens with your life. You are in charge of your happiness (icky cliche but true) Sometimes what you perceive to be a bad thing is really a gift. Good luck–and I hope it doesn’t take you 13 more years to get married:)

2 years ago

Ok…I love what she said about really nice cars. And traveling (although, traveling solo is ..kind of lame, maybe). So that’s my plan. I have a new job starting on the 7th, so I’m going to use 2013 to

1) make a emergency fund of $2,000
2)pay down my bills as much as I possibly can

Because ultimately I want to find a nice 1 bedroom that allows pets, and move my whole little family out.
Then I’m going to get a really nice car in 3 years, because hey if I can’t have the guy yet I might as well make the rest of my life friggen BOMB.

More:

Totally agree with ja7975 and Georgia Bee. All my friends are married (some on their SECOND!) and I’m going to my younger brother’s wedding next month.. my younger sister’s was last year. But this time I have a date!

I’m 34 and was with someone for 7 years… he never proposed, I realized I never wanted to marry him, so I (happily) broke it off. Now I’m with someone that is completely amazing and I want to spend the rest of my life with…. if I’m vocal, bitter, mean and jealous because a proposal hasn’t happened yet… that just means I’ll look like a complete idiot jerk when he totally surprises me one day.

Now, I’m not sitting here planning a wedding for a guy that hasn’t yet appeared in my life. But, I do get concerned that I’m not even IN a relationship. Cause it could be 2-5 years before a proposal happens, and it makes me feel like I need to be on the ball.

But maybe we are all just looking at the next milestone… For me, it would be having a steady boyfriend, for others, it’s getting engaged, moving in, whatever. So, if I had the boyfriend, I can’t help but wonder, would I immediately want to achieve the next step? Are we ever happy where we are? Plus, once you do get married, then what? Kids if you want them. And then what? You just coast?

Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, to still be single. Despite society saying it should be happening around now. I mean all that stuff seems so exciting. I want to be able to look forward to it and not rush to the other side of that, quite yet.

Ok, I vow, when I do find the next guy i really like who wants to be in a relationship with me, i will appreciate him and thank my lucky stars for having a man in my life that i adore every day (or, most days.) I will not allow myself to be upset over having a boyfriend and NOT being engaged (unless it gets super long). As long as I love the guy and know he is right for me, I will just appreciate what I have.

So, if anyone surfs on in from the Web, if you are upset (because we are only human and we get upset sometimes) ….just remember to be thankful for where you are in life, because the other side of the fence might just be greener cause it’s AstroTurf. Trust that when things will happen when they are meant to. For 2013, I also vow to make my single life the best it can possibly be. And I will avoid situations and people that make me feel less than. Because all my engaged friends are still great friends to me and definitely don’t look at me weirdly for being single. Cause they know I’m trying my best to find the right guy for me. 🙂