Wow :) Could I be falling already??

So, guy number two I wrote about last time is becoming a part of my daily life. Seems fast, but, so far it’s harmless, texting, etc. And it’s not the usual “hey what’s up” and “good morning beautiful” texts. It’s a 6:00 pm “I can’t stop thinking about you, and I probably shouldn’t tell you that since now you have the upper hand”. Its us talking about small things and then him throwing in how he’s crazy about me already and has no idea what I did to him but he likes it. 

It’s me telling him it’s the same thing. But I’m trying not to runaway with myself considering I don’t know him that well yet. But it’s weird, it’s like my heart sees him. I first saw him and got this tingly feeling, before we even said hello — and the next day, when he showed up to plow out my driveway (without me asking!!) it’s like him looking at me puts me in a trance. I melt almost, like giggly school-girl ish.

And then he hugged me… and it’s like being wrapped up in warmth. MAN I’m gushy right now, and I write this with a smile on my face, but it feels so *good*. That’s what I mean about my heart seeing him, emotionally I just respond to him.

He texted me today to warn me about the roads being bad, then lightly said I care for people and especially you so get used to it! Or something super close to that. So far the things I’ve seen and heard are the things I really want in someone. It’s probably way too fast to think this but I can’t help but think husband material when I see how caring he is. 

Like he is making me want to look at pinterest and pin wedding stuff and listen to love songs. And there is SO much I don’t know about him. It’s like cupid took aim, hard.

So our second date is set for Thursday — dinner. haha, I know, I sound like a crazy person talking about Pinterest and the second date. But sometimes when you know, you know. But then again, I’ve thought I knew before, and I definitely didn’t know. 

How do you know, when you know? 

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Well, I went on two Match dates this week (I know, look at me go!) first one was…promising to start but the guy blew it, by making comments about how he was checking out my butt when it was my turn to bowl, and before that he just casually mentioned how he was out on anger match date last week. Like oh, we talk about who else we are dating already?? Weird.

but, other than that things were ok, so I agreed to go play pool with him. There was a drunk chick there, who said he was staring at my butt everytime I took a turn. Then he basically launched himself at me once we got in the car to drive him back across the street to his car. So I was like, okay, I guess we will kiss now! I mean, before I even got my keys in the ignition.

then when we were driving he made some comment about how we should probably only work out together after we have sex. Like, oh, now we are definitely having sex? What? So huge turn off. Get to his car and he tried to turn a good night kiss into a make out session, attempting to take my coat off etc. i had to kind of break off the kissing … Twice.

decided not to see him again, even though he asked why, the all but begged my forgiveness.

date with guys number two:

we decide to meet for coffee. 4 hours later… We end the date. Time flew by 🙂 just talking. When I first saw him I thought, way cuter in person! Good dresser, work out (crossfit) , and he is super charismatic. Great talker. Likes to tell stories. Cute laugh that takes over a room. Boundless energy. He is merry! mechanic for the past seven years, firefighter for the past two, wants to go full time with that and will, lives in town, active… Yeah. Just seems like a great guy. Someone I’d be happy to bring around my family. Proud to be with in general. 

I feel energized after the date and am on edge about hoping it’s him every time the phone goes… Then I get a text about how he had a great time, best date all year, and how he thinks I’m beautiful 🙂 yay!!  Here we go…hold on readers it could be a fun ride 😉

Match is slowly getting started, and, the Power…

Happy Saturday loves.

So, talking to some guys on Match but haven’t met anyone yet…was supposed to but my timing didn’t work out and then he never got back to me. Then, I had a date set up kind of with a guy I dated briefly in high school… But, changed my mind. Gut instinct. 

Two guys left right now are one who seems okay, had Wisdom teeth done, not sure other than that. The other guy I think I like. But I haven’t met him Yet, we are supposed to go bowling Tuesday. 

Im also reading the Power right now…and since I started doing the positive law of attraction thing, I got three awesome out front parking spots in one day, and happened to run into someone I sampled a product I’ve been trying to sell too, she was the waitress at the restaurant I had to go to for work. Anyway she wants to buy some! Said she found it on Amazon but it took forever to ship. And then I ran into another person who was a friend from high school who messaged me on Facebook after looking for a roommate, so she suggested we look together 🙂 and I’ve been trying to move, plus I have been trying to make better friendships with girls.

kind of amazing.

A weekend with the family — and my dad mentioning my future adopted children.

So, my dad was giving some merry speech about how he spent a lot of money on the new big table he purchased (well, he wasn’t talking about the money, but why he invested) and was saying how, in his family there was a big table that was kind of generational, and had many happy memories around it, with grandchildren and friends and big family etc etc and that’s what he wanted for his family. 

Then he said you know if they’re adopted grandkids whatever, and I think my eyes popped and I said, wow — even you gave up on me already! My stepmom said no he didn’t, and then my dad apologized, but it’s the type of thing you can’t unsay.

So yep, apparently it’s starting to dawn on people that I’m almost 30 and have no boyfriend (right now), no prospects (right now), and sometimes it feels like i can’t go anywhere without being reminded of that fact.

The dating books all say to act as if you KNOW it’s going to happen, and enjoy the moments of your life with that certainty, and that will help attract the person to you — but there is a big fear in me that I will exist as I am today, forever. Single, not quite knowing why I wasn’t “picked” by life for The Big Relationship yet, wondering why my life has been as hard as it has and it seems like I’m just walking Job’s life (Well, not quite, even he got married O_o) as far as relationships anyway. 

I could still be thankful that there are people in my life that care about me and my wellbeing, even if most of those people have the emotional development and intelligence of a 3 year old, that I have a roof over my head, a puppy who is literally just a little bouncy bundle of joy, a good, solid, dependable job that sent me to Switzerland and the UK this year, and beauty that attracts people, and a personality that people compliment me on. I have also grown into a much tidier person, and am healthier now than I have been in years with the gym and my nutrition. 

Anyway, I’m struggling with the being single and (gulp) almost 30 thing a lot. And since most of my friends are in relationships. I should probably make better friendships with my old college roommates, although sometimes we don’t get along that well, at least me and one in particular. 

I also heard someone say, on a podcast “I am nobody’s most important person” and how hard that was for her (40’s single) …. and that has been haunting me ever since.