The dreaded holidays and singledom

Well ladies and gents unless you live under a rock you know that the holidays are creeping up quickly, and for those of us who are still single, it can be a drag. Especially the closer you are to no longer socially acceptable ages of being single. There are places that say I’m already past my dating prime, and I’m 29. Welp, might as well pack it in altogether and accept that I have a full life of just me and my dog and cat in it. …

Kidding. Kind of. Anyway, so how are we supposed to deal? Even my brother mentioned at his birthday the other day that him and his gf had a game night and they invited another two couples (and made a joke about how they are dating couples now) — and I said where was my invite (this was before he explained it was couples) — yep, I’m already in the “well, she’s solo..so, that’s awkward” arena. And with my friend’s birthday the other week, I didn’t go because I wasn’t feeling well, but it was the birthday girl, her husband, my friend, her husband, our other friend, her boyfriend… and, if I wasn’t sick, me. Yayyyy.

I know I’m supposed to stay positive and know he’s out there and act all gracious, but the truth is, I’m just not so sure these days. It’s hard to be when everyone is paired off (it seems) but you. I actually started fantasizing about how my true love is already married and now I’m waiting for him to get divorced, because, if I met someone early 30’s who hasn’t been married, I kind of think, okay, why haven’t you been married… since I heard that’s how people look at me. Or why haven’t you been in that serious relationship. I can’t even give some story about how I was with someone for a few years and we realized we weren’t right for each other. At least THAT would be acceptable.

Although it did occur to me that maybe the reason I am single is because I have always been a little bit of a girl who walks to the beat of her own drum, kind of main stream but mostly not, beautiful and chatty but also introspective and has seen some darker sides of life, which makes me very emotionally intelligent and kind of more than most people bargained for. Not simple, airhead, giggly girl without a care in the world.

And I never LOVED going out. I would do it, sure, but never felt at home. I always felt a bit out of place. 

So that’s why I’m 29, cruising around solo with no prospects to speak of right now. I went on a few dates recently, but no chemistry — completely take it or leave it (oh, you’re nice). I’m not trying to force myself to like anyone. 

Oh, the other part of it is .. my bro’s girlfriend is in our family christmas cards. Yep. She even joked that maybe she should wear a different color shirt instead of white in the christmas card since she’s not family, and my stepmom immediately interjected and tossed that idea. So it’s my brother who is all set (or so it would appear), me — almost 30, no big romance, not even a little one right now, and my sister, who goes after guys who are trash but ends up dating them for years at a time. I wonder as a parent what you would think of your almost-30, single, hasn’t had a long-term-relationship in years daughter who isn’t socially awkward in any real way. I have a good job, I used to model, I’m still in good physical shape, I’m training for a bikini fitness show. 

::shrug:: 

And of course, like you reading this I’m sure, there’s the “maybe there really isn’t someone for everyone” thought. But they don’t really tell you how life is supposed to be if you DO end up single. Like, what then? 

 

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It’s about making the best of it, no matter what

I haven’t written in a little bit because, I’ve just been figuring me out, you know?

I kind of went into a mini depression after breaking up with the last guy, because all of a sudden I had ALL this time on the weekends and didn’t know what the heck to do with myself. So I ended up doing nothing. It’s like I forgot how to make plans with my friends.

Friends are another topic — most of mine are newly married, and I no longer feel like I have that much in common with them, and especially when it comes to talking about dating. So that’s one thing I’m working on, figuring out how to make new friends in your late 20’s — it’s not easy, especially when you work with all guys.

Anyway, so since I broke up with him, I think I got hit on 4x in less than the first week, and then two guys from the past hit me up. One, I kind of laid the law down with — I realized he was using me for sex completely, but not even trying to hide it — his facebook and other social media accounts are filled with super fun activities and always beautiful people, and all he tries to get from me is a late night sleepover. 

The other guy, is the one who broke up with me by text, after 4 months. So, we have been talking/sort of text flirting, although I’m not really into it. And then I think last Thursday or Friday we talked about maybe hanging out tonight when he got back from being away for the weekend. But gut feeling said not to, so I kind of ignored his texts. And it’s not like we had set plans, we just kind of said we were both free. So to me, that’s not confirming. 

Granted, I’ve been on the other side of that and it’s super annoying when you think you have plans and the other person clearly did not, so I feel a little bad that way, but he texted me around 4 saying “hey” – to which I didn’t respond.

Then an hour and a half later: “are you blowing me off again?”

To which I still didn’t respond, I mean what do you say to that?

Then an hour later: “I hate you”

….wooooah there buddy. And then, I deleted the entire text conversation.

Switching gears a little, part of me wants to find my person, you know? But another part of me just doesn’t want to try. Like, not even Match.com. I’ll just grow older by myself and be happy with it. I feel like I won’t have to force it or try when or if it’s the right guy. And yeah, a lot of people meet wonderful people online dating, but I feel like I’ve been on and off so often that I’m seeing some repeats…. and that makes me feel bad about myself. Because I think, what’s taking them so long? But then I realize, that I’m that same person — so people might be thinking, what’s taking HER so long?

Plus, I’m focusing on building my finances up, and I just had to get new roommates, and I’m just trying to be comfortable in my own skin, like completely. Which I usually just distract myself with boys, trying to find happiness by being in love, I guess. 

Which something tells me, the better version of myself I can make me, the better I will be for the guy when he does come along. Which I hope isn’t that far away 🙂  but if it’s not, I will be OK. I mean, I’ve been the single one in the group (always dating a different guy, never settling down, going for hot jerks, etc) for THIS long, if I can’t accept that role at almost 30 years old… then I’m just going to keep being unhappy with my life. And I want to be happy. 

I’m beginning to think it’s about making the best of it, no matter what. I can’t control whether I’m in love with a man or not, or a man is in love with me, and God knows that hasn’t happened in a really, really long time, so I might as well just start focusing on what I do have and making the best out of that. If I didn’t, it would be like parking a lawn chair next to the fence and staring at the other side (where the grass is supposedly greener) that I let my own lawn and garden go to shit, cause I was too focused on what I didn’t have.

Feel me?

Back to the drawing board!

Heyyy beautiful readers,

So, yeah, seems like mr wonderful went completely AWOL. Doesn’t even care to get his ray ban glasses back! So I will be putting them up for sale on eBay. Lol. My friends said good frames can earn some cash and then people just get new lenses to match their prescription.

Anywho, talking to this new guy from match who seems legit. We will see. It seems like a lot of guys from online are pretty flaky. Let’s just call it datesforflakes.com instead shall we?

So this new guy, tattoos, works out, just sold his house looking to buy another, low key lifestyle, and seems attractive, but I haven’t met him yet. Potentially sometime this week. But it kind of seems like he stopped texting as much after we became facebook friends, which I have never had happen before. Then again it was also the same day he sold his place and he doesn’t have a new place to live yet, so im sure he’s trying to secure a new place to live haha.

There is this other guy I’m talking to who is very funny but I don’t know if he is my type…faux hawk.

Oh, and blast from the past guy who I was supposed to go out with Sunday night ended up canceling because apparently his mom wanted help moving stuff and didn’t tell him until Sunday. ??? No idea. Whatever. It was a little weird anyway because apparently he made reservations for this downtown nice French restaurant and he texted me Sat night saying he had an awful night at work and could really use a good Sunday and, so I said hopefully it will be! And no response. Plus he never called me. Kind of odd right? Anyway.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s because of my pets that I have a harder time dating than others… Like, I have two dogs and a cat. I guess that’s a lot to walk into? Idk. I’m just trying to live my life to the fullest and if I had a steady boyfriend I maybe never would have gotten a dog to begin with at this stage in my life.

I’ve also really gotten into working out lately-I’m following Jamie Eason’s bodybuilding.com plan, and boy is it a workout! I’ve never lifted like this but I’m loving it. Hopefully I see the changes in my body that I want to.

Ok that’s all for tonight. Love yas!

Here’s to Single Friends! & the When Do I Sleep With Him Dilemma

My single friends are becoming more and more like diamonds in the rough. Seriously. When you’re in your early 20s, everyone kind of does the dating thing and we all fall down every once in a while, laugh it off and keep going.

But then people start finding the right one for them, and one day you realize most of your friends are in serious, long term relationships. And sure, hanging out with them is great (once they are passed the lovey-dovey stage), but it stops being that same kind of, we are all on the same page here, fun. You’re the only one sharing dating war stories, and they can’t really do the normal “counter-share” because their problems are actual relationship, or engagement, or marriage problems. You’re sitting there all, “why didn’t he respond to my text??” and she’s all, “this bridesmaid is stressing me out because…”.

Granted, deep down we know one day it will be us dealing with stresses that come with various relationship statuses. The thing I tell myself is, through going to/being in weddings, I’m learning which potholes to avoid when I one day have to plan my own wedding. But still, I do start to feel silly when I’m pouting over whether or not some guy I only sort of know will get back to me about something; it just seems so damn trivial in comparison!

So back to why I am starting to seriously appreciate my still single friends. I am so thankful for them because it helps me realize I’m NOT the only one dealing with stupid dating drama. And they are the go-tos for nights out (although I love when my paired up friends come out too!). So, cheers to you, singletons! You are all my diamonds.

Anyway, so one dating drama that always trips me up is the when to sleep together thing. You’ve got your “wait until commitment” camp, and your “if it’s meant to be it won’t matter” camp.

Here’s are my thoughts about waiting until a commitment: would you want a man who you aren’t sexually compatible with? I definitely don’t. It will kill a relationship for me. But, at the same time, I don’t want to fall into friends with benefits or the hookup category. Conundrum!!!

Same deal with the, two consenting adults/if it’s meant to be it won’t matter thing: There is a huge risk involved because, you hook up with a guy you like, and he might never call you again. Raise your hand if this happened to you!! (I’m raising my hand, ha).

So, talk about anguish!! I was thinking this morning, and I really started to wonder… Do all relationships these days start with hooking up?? Do the old rules of make him wait even apply? I usually try to wait 3 dates or so, but by then my curiosity is getting the better of me, too. Still, some people say “that’s kind of fast” to me. But I have a high sex drive. So I’m acting in accordance with what feels right to me. The thing is, after that the effort sometimes drops from the guy. :/

I mean, if you’re involved with attractive guys, if you sit there and say, “well, I don’t have sex until its a committed relationship,” he could easily go find another girl who will. Because maybe HE doesn’t want to make someone his girlfriend unless they’re sexually compatible, even if you know he wants a girlfriend. And that’s where the risk is. Now, I’m not at all saying sleep around, but maybe semi-casual sex isn’t as terrible as some people would have us believe.

Of course then it sucks when they stop calling or aren’t as attentive as you want, but.. If you’re honest with yourself, wouldn’t it still suck even if you didn’t sleep together???

If anyone out there has insight or thoughts on this topic, feel free to chime in.

The Annoying “Engaged” Facebook Statuses / What’s the Still Single Girl To Do?

Oh. My. God. Excuse me and forgive me for the post I am about to write, but if I read one more “2012 was amazing because I got engaged/had a baby” post I am going to puke.

Let’s face it, being late 20’s and single at an age where many women are getting married and/or having kids is a bummer, in a strange way… It sort of feels like you missed the ship, or, you’re failing at life. My best friend and I were talking yesterday and (FYI, she’s engaged) she pointed out that it really is just all luck and timing.

Today I Googled just that subject, and a whole bunch of posts came up. Some people are jealous of those engaged because they’ve been together with their boyfriend for 5 years and are watching others get engaged faster than them, some just broke up from long term relationships and now are faced with starting all over. And then there are young women like me, I’m sure, who just can’t seem to find a guy that fits for more than a few months at a time. Truth be told, I’ve only had one long relationship, but we didn’t even technically celebrate our anniversary because we were that couple who broke up every two weeks starting at 4 months.

But, someone’s response to a post on Lauren Conrad’s site caught my attention…

Georgia Bee October 9, 2010 Atlanta
I am a first time bride at 41. Let me tell you something about waiting:) Most of my friends got married around your age, the stragglers in their early 30s, some of them for the second time in their mid-30s. And I had nothin’, sometimes not even a date to their weddings. I’ll admit that I was often pea-green with envy and sometimes not very nice about it (which I really regret). Several have since been pea-green with envy when I bought really nice cars, traveled to Europe, etc. while they were stuck with a boring husband and screaming kids.

My fiance is 5 years younger than me. He was really adamant about buying a house and being able to afford an appropriate ring before we got engaged. Men propose when they are ready and they don’t want to be nagged about it. If they aren’t ready, you are really setting yourself up for major heartbreak down the road. Use this time to do things you want to do–travel, pay bills, save money, whatever. Also stay focused on if he is the right person for you and not just about the wedding.

Sorry this is long, but my point is–don’t let anyone else ever dictate what happens with your life. You are in charge of your happiness (icky cliche but true) Sometimes what you perceive to be a bad thing is really a gift. Good luck–and I hope it doesn’t take you 13 more years to get married:)

2 years ago

Ok…I love what she said about really nice cars. And traveling (although, traveling solo is ..kind of lame, maybe). So that’s my plan. I have a new job starting on the 7th, so I’m going to use 2013 to

1) make a emergency fund of $2,000
2)pay down my bills as much as I possibly can

Because ultimately I want to find a nice 1 bedroom that allows pets, and move my whole little family out.
Then I’m going to get a really nice car in 3 years, because hey if I can’t have the guy yet I might as well make the rest of my life friggen BOMB.

More:

Totally agree with ja7975 and Georgia Bee. All my friends are married (some on their SECOND!) and I’m going to my younger brother’s wedding next month.. my younger sister’s was last year. But this time I have a date!

I’m 34 and was with someone for 7 years… he never proposed, I realized I never wanted to marry him, so I (happily) broke it off. Now I’m with someone that is completely amazing and I want to spend the rest of my life with…. if I’m vocal, bitter, mean and jealous because a proposal hasn’t happened yet… that just means I’ll look like a complete idiot jerk when he totally surprises me one day.

Now, I’m not sitting here planning a wedding for a guy that hasn’t yet appeared in my life. But, I do get concerned that I’m not even IN a relationship. Cause it could be 2-5 years before a proposal happens, and it makes me feel like I need to be on the ball.

But maybe we are all just looking at the next milestone… For me, it would be having a steady boyfriend, for others, it’s getting engaged, moving in, whatever. So, if I had the boyfriend, I can’t help but wonder, would I immediately want to achieve the next step? Are we ever happy where we are? Plus, once you do get married, then what? Kids if you want them. And then what? You just coast?

Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, to still be single. Despite society saying it should be happening around now. I mean all that stuff seems so exciting. I want to be able to look forward to it and not rush to the other side of that, quite yet.

Ok, I vow, when I do find the next guy i really like who wants to be in a relationship with me, i will appreciate him and thank my lucky stars for having a man in my life that i adore every day (or, most days.) I will not allow myself to be upset over having a boyfriend and NOT being engaged (unless it gets super long). As long as I love the guy and know he is right for me, I will just appreciate what I have.

So, if anyone surfs on in from the Web, if you are upset (because we are only human and we get upset sometimes) ….just remember to be thankful for where you are in life, because the other side of the fence might just be greener cause it’s AstroTurf. Trust that when things will happen when they are meant to. For 2013, I also vow to make my single life the best it can possibly be. And I will avoid situations and people that make me feel less than. Because all my engaged friends are still great friends to me and definitely don’t look at me weirdly for being single. Cause they know I’m trying my best to find the right guy for me. 🙂