I Asked Him Out (and I NEVER Do That!)

Yep, you read the title. I asked the current interest out. I never do that, I usually subscribe to the dating theory of let the guy do all the work initially, because guys are hunters and like the chase and all that jazz.

Plus, I hadn’t heard a peep out out of him since I turned him down for New Years (even tho he got back to me/asked last minute) and my friend said I probably wounded his ego even tho it was arrogant to think I might be free still, especially with the thanks, no can do, maybe next time response I gave.

She prompted me to ask him out so I did, via text. To clarify my last text I said, hey sorry I couldn’t meet up it was just too last minute on a big night, but I did want to see you, I got movie tix for Christmas, come out with me 🙂

And he responded its ok yes I’ll go out to the movies with you! And then suggested a movie, and we set a date for Saturday.

He did say his cousin will be in town but and he has to make sure he wont still be here and he will “get rid of him” for then.

And girls I had SO MUCH ANXIETY about it!! After, I mean. Like I started double thinking everything. Should I have even asked him? He doesn’t really talk to me between dates, except to set up the next one, he blew New Years, he called the last time we got together a 4 pm booty call… But now we are going to the movies, supposedly.

On the plus side he has always returned my texts (except for the one about New Years) in a decent amount of time, he can make dates with me ahead of time although he does do last minute too, he gives me plenty of compliments. And what have I done? Nothing, but show up. He probably doesn’t even think I’m that interested, except for when I make it dead pan obvious.

Ok, next time I see him I will compliment him on at least 2 things, and use two techniques I read about last night:

1) mirroring. This sounds creepy but apparently it works wonders. Basically if you’re across from them you mirror whatever body movements they are doing (the subtle ones). If you are next to them you do the same thing.

2) prolonged eye contact.

3) be appreciative whenever I can

4) don’t be bossy or future talk

And then asking for the next date is up to him. Depending on how it goes.

Sheesh! Who knew dating required all this thought. Too much thinking, not enough doing. I think I will also accept the date another guy asked me on to try to get more balanced.

Ok he is not my boyfriend we are just dating, but assuming the movies happens,

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Today I feel much better!

Ahhhhh I feel so much better today! Nothing much changed, I think just, my anxieties were getting the best of me, and I am waiting for my new job to start and stressed about going til Feb without a paycheck, and I feel like I have a ton on my plate.

A far as the main crush, one of my friends suggested doing affirmations when I asked how to handle my anxiety over the situation. And also a law of attraction exercise.

I’m also learning, through the Mars and Venus books, to really focus on being positive when I’m around him, and to appreciate whatever he does however I can. It sounds a little housewifey, but, I think with men when we give them what they ultimately want, we get what we want by default…which is really companionship from someone who is special to us for whatever reason.

I think in the past I may have been too negative, because women talk to blow off steam, and I like to complain about my life when it’s tough to my boyfriends. If they were smarter they’d know that we just want a shoulder to cry on, but really they internalize it as oh, she isnt happy, therefore I don’t make her happy, and I can’t fix it for her, so, what is the point of this conversation?

So I will work on that. Not talking about negative things with men.

And, my friend also suggested not doing things out of fear. Like, if I want to ask a guy something… In this case, can’t we talk more often, in this case it’s out of fear that him not talking to me means he isn’t really interested. My friend says, it could be he just isn’t a phone guy, and pointed out we do talk once a week or so. She asked me if that was bad, and I said no. It’s not bad, just not what I’m used to.

But I also tend to ask guys where it’s going, or what we are, or whatever, when I am afraid it’s not going how I want. I phone a guy or text him usually when I’m afraid he has lost interest, or doesn’t have interest. Unless there is a damn good reason, then, or a guy is a steady boyfriend, I just have to trust that he will contact me when he needs his emotional side filled up a bit. He’s probably scared too.

And if he lets me go, well, then first:he’s an idiot, and second, it just means God has someone better than him planned out. 🙂

Heh, I remember when he called me late night and I called him back the next day, he didn’t call or text me back until the entire next day. And he told me he looked at the pic several times the week after I sent it to him, which I had no idea about since the time I heard from him was when I texted him that week, on Monday, and then we didn’t talk til Fri, when he wanted to switch plans.

We will seeeeeee what happens!