Dear Self:

Dear Self:

Some things gon’ have ta change ’round here. So, I know we’ve had a rough few years in the dating department – actually, it’s been one heck of a learning experience the entire ride so far (and yes, during a breakup if someone says well what did you learn from it? I want to punch them in the face – wrong time, buddies) – but we’re going to have to make some adjustments.

That’s right. We’ve been thinking about our future, and if we keep going on the current path the project future is not looking bright if you’d like to be in a successful long term relationship that leads to marriage. We also realize that you’ve had to adjust and put up walls and learn some great defensive tactics to let people in but not *really* so that when they inevitably leave, it doesn’t hurt as much (at least, that’s what we keep telling ourself).

However, it appears that there is a new man in your life who is ordering from a different menu, so what you’ve been serving up just isn’t going to cut it. You can adapt, step up to the plate, or choose to kick out the customer – BUT, this customer might be the caliber of person you’ve been trying to attract.

OK, so said person threw you a curve ball today and one-upped the “come to my hockey tournament” invite with, “we could also chill saturday night” meaning, this turns into a friday night, saturday, saturday night, and possibly sunday date. 

Big Leagues. 

So you didn’t know how to respond, since this one is not in your playbook, and although you liked the idea, it doesn’t seem to you like a natural transition from going on a few dates to Marathon Date. In fact, you’re used to once, twice a month dates, and even the last guy who ended up being not for you overwhelmed you with wanting to get together during the week.

But guess what missy, unless you seriously want to be the Crazy Dog Lady then you need to start also connecting with people on a close level that enables them to hurt you. 

To top it off, you were able (with your limited relationship communication skills) to explain to Mr. Reality Check why you didn’t respond with a “yah sounds great” or a “no thanks” and were kind of left with a “well, hmm, idk, yeah” type response, which isn’t so promising. And when you bumbled through your story about less-than-awesome guys who wouldn’t give you their time (so you’re not used to it) or invited you to a weekend away and then freaked themselves out and stopped talking to you, or ended up giving you the silent treatment on the way home, and how the bottom line is you like the idea but are apprehensive, he handled it like a champ and simply said what is wrong with these guys, and, you sure pick winners.

And then after a little more listening he said, it sounds like you fall too easy, and you responded with how sometimes people are really good at projecting who they want you to see to get to you, and then the real deal comes out 2-3 months later…at which point he told you he was impressed with you for being able to walk away and cut things off when it’s not what you want.

And he told you he hasn’t been excited to see someone the way he is with you in a long time. 

And you are excited to see him, but you’ve been there done that and seen it fail so many times its hard for you to believe in a happy ending these days.

But missy, you’ve got to give it a chance. He has more potential than any of the schmucks you usually get naked with. And he’s seen you stressed out, walked through a messy house, has met your crazy puppy and he STILL thinks the sun blows out your ass.

So, you’ve got to bring your emotional walls down, at least a little bit, and see if you can move out of your singleton ways to possible explore a real, lasting relationship with this guy. It’s not gonna happen if you don’t invest the time, I’ll tell you that right now.

Let’s wrap this up with a quote from Juno:

Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.