Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween readers!

Today I am going to write about the weekend — and catch you all up on what’s been developing.

SO, first, he did respond to the text – but it ended up being a four line conversation. Awesome, right? Ok, so at least I know it’s not for lack of trying to communicate that things had pretty much stopped. But then he commented on a photo when I put up a pick of my new hair color saying “mmm how lovelyyy” and also on a status of mine about the weather. But no texts or anything. So IDK.

A guy I went out with that I really liked from Match also wrote on a status of mine, although no text communication other than to tell me he was sick.

This past weekend I spent time with my ex’s ex-best friend, who I have been friends with online now for almost a year, but hadn’t hung out with out of respect for my relationship with my ex. Anyways, it started out as a movie date, and then turned into a movie at his place thing, and of course there were drinks, and well although we didn’t sleep together I did sleep next to him and woke up naked.

And I’ve been glowing ever since. Which means I definitely do have feelings for him. But, this is a guy who is a confirmed bachelor and I really shouldn’t get my hopes up and not run away with my emotions on this one especially – although he has been asking what I’m up to for the past few weekends and we had been talking a lot more. And he’s always been a really good friend to me. I just don’t know what to expect. honestly, I do hope something happens and it turns into more, but as far as I know he isn’t interested in a relationship … so I should stay away. But at the same time… IDK.

We’ll see, I guess.

As far as my ex, he put up a status on FB about how he is trying to move back home for a certain someone (me, most likely) and to just give him another chance. But then he deleted it. And so part of me wants to say don’t come back for me – it wouldn’t matter, but the other part, the bigger part, says he deleted it – pretend you didn’t see it.

So… idk. IDK IDK. I wish I didn’t catch feelings. It just felt so good to be wanted by someone I care for.

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ok this is how it all panned out so far…

Ughh ok, well I finally spoke to everyone I want to speak to, and then I’m done with psychics for a very long while.

I spoke with JupiterInLove, who said, that basically romance is fucked until next year – because of Neptune in some part of my chart. So messy confusing communication is likely, and to put it on the backburner/not expect much at all. But that there is a connection with him, and as far as anyone else just to basically forget it until the new year.

I spoke with Keith M., more asking him why it’s better to not talk to a guy and try to work things out? Because once you’re already in a relationship, the obvious thing is to talk and work it out. So, he said it’s because you keep your power – I could text him or whatever now but Keith didn’t think he’d be receptive to it. But that to wait and he will be comin forward when he thinks I’m dating another guy.

I spoke with Psychic Mom, one of the radio psychics, and she said that he should be coming around in the next couple of days – but she said that on Sunday and no dice.

Finally today I talked to the one I had been waiting to talk to, Linda A., and she said to text him something about if he was ok because the last he told me he was sick, and basically not to let the non-communication go on. She said I scared the shit out of him with the commitment talk, but that we would be gettin back together and that what would likely happen is we’d just kind of develop into the relationship, and it wouldn’t be talked about. She also said my mom is gonna get her third DUI in Nov. if she doesn’t be careful.

She also mentioned he has a best friend who really doesn’t like the idea of him with me because he’ll lose him (ha). And that he heard something about me with an ex-boyfriend that made him jealous that he didn’t like.

Ugh, but I’m just done with all this psychic stuff. At the very least I’m limiting myself to once a month.

Anyway, the thing that felt right was to talk to him – it didn’t feel right to not even try to talk to him, even though I think I did the right thing instinctively in giving him space. So, despite that it’s against what Keith and Steve said, I texted him and asked if he was still alive because I hadn’t heard from him in a little.

It’s what a friend would do.

But she also said not to pursue him, and that he felt like I was more in love than he was because he wasn’t there yet and was beginning to feel like I was, and so to just really take it easy. If he says something about not being ready for commitment say well it is kinda soon but I don’t wanna be sleeping around and so on so that if we’re going to sleep together then we should use protection.

She thinks this is the very beginning for us though and that we get a fresh start.

And that radiation therapy is the way to go.

Anyways – as I was saying – I sent him this text with the hopes that if, like she thinks, and I kind of think, that it got to the point where he didn’t know how to start a conversation, that it’ll work as an icebreaker and get us back on track.

And if it doesn’t, I guess that’s that.

And if he does make a return, I’m going to use my own intuition to guide me for the most part, since even when psychics do say a person is coming back it doesn’t help you unless they actually DO it.

Ok. So today is October 26. No matter what happens, I’m not going to call another psychic until at least November 26th. And if I succeed, I will buy myself a facial !

One day at a time?

So today I am really down again – it’s just a bad week – a roommate who is supposed to be moving out is in the hospital because of pregnancy complications. I lost a $200 dollar check. The person who signed it isn’t getting back to me. I had to give up my two cats. My cards are maxed out. I have a negative bank balance. All in all, things are pretty shitty.

I’m still having a pretty hard time with the thing with the guy I liked. I told a gf today I have a date friday – another Match guy – and she goes “good for you!” but inside it hurt to see her say that. No, not good for me, I’m confused and heartbroken in a way and don’t understand what happened.

I want to believe what my Keen psychics are telling me but it just makes it harder each day that goes by.

I guess it’s my turn to logically interpret what happened: he does have feelings for me, but had some real reservations about whether it could work, and although I asked him to tell me if it’s a no tell me it’ s a no, he didn’t at the time for whatever reason and left me to figure it out on my own.  And although he reached out once in a weird way to make contact, he hasn’t talked to me more than that because he’s not sure if he wants to or can move forward. Which puts us at this weird impasse.

I am trying to make myself happy but it isn’t working. At last not for long. I guess my mantra should be one day at a time.

 

In the mean time

So it’s been a few days and, actually last Saturday I had contact from the guy who kind of faded away — although it wasn’t very substantial and basically had to do with a new feature on the iPhone, and started with him commenting on a facebook status of mine. It moved to texting but he never asked how I’ve been I kind of carried the conversation. Which is kind of how it’s usually been, I guess. I think he’s not a big talker, but I knew that already. Still. I wanted him to care.

I ended up calling Steve then and last night because I had a bad day. And at the time he said he’d be contacting me again very soon, but then yesterday he said he’s just not there yet once again. Last night was mainly to chat to someone who gets it, because my friends don’t. They just say the logical thing – obviously he’s not interested or he’d at least be talking to you, move on. OH ok, well in that case I feel so much better! No.

I went on two dates, one with a guy who was a 35 year old who is basically Ronnie from the Jersey Shore and showed me pics of his ex gf, another who was sweet enough I guess but kind of intense – obviously very intelligent but kind of talks in a way that not many people do, and I felt like — not intelligent around him.

I’m talking to this other guy who so far I like a lot, but I haven’t met him so I guess we’ll see.

Sigh.  I’m talking to a psychic who sounds like the real deal on her radio show. I just want this deep longing in me to go away, or for him to return to my life and quench it! LOL. Preferably the second one.

Steve said that he doesn’t know if the guy I feel for deserves me, which made me feel good… he doesn’t see me falling for someone else but who knows maybe I will. And to be open to it but he doesn’t see it.

Knowing what you want

I’ve been dreaming a lot lately, and I’ve been doing the five minute candle gazes that one of the psychics I talked to recommended. But last night I woke up early in a kind of half sleep/half conscious state, and I think I was talking to my guides! There are, as far as I can tell, two males and a female — they aren’t always all chilling around, and they help other people too. The woman told me her name – Phaedra! Pretty, huh? Anyways. There’s one man who speaks to me more than the others.

So, one of them told me that part of the reason people can back off after entering into a relationship is if they didn’t know what they wanted for themselves – a relationship in their life – when they started. So then they have to pause and think about it and decide before moving forward. Others, when they already know that they want someone in their life, can just keep on trucking no real problems. Or if they want the relationship more than they weigh whether it’s the right person.

The other thing is the man told me to just wait and be patient. That one word, wait, came through very clearly. Like they showed it to me. They also showed me the guy I’ve been missing and for some reason (this is what I think happened anyway) he’s very sad about what’s happening/happened. Right now. Anyway. And, the man also explained that they can only tell me what they’re allowed to tell me now, and that I have to experience life and can’t know most of what’s going to happen, but not to worry and just be patient and that good things are coming.

In other news, I signed up on match.com to date other guys and pass the time – and, met one last night – a 35 year old who got stuck in his 20’s and dresses and talks like he’s from Jersey Shore! LOL. It was kinda fun. He invited me to a wedding and I said yes but now I want to say no. He talked SO much about his exes and what he’s been through, even told me about a therapist he went to, and even showed me pics of his ex on match.com. Like, wtf? LOL. he texted me this morning but it was cut off, and it ended with I no u have a LONG day but have a good one 🙂  and then his match.com profile was gone? But now it’s back. IDK. Weird shit. We’ll see. I’m not writing back to half a text message tho.

OK that’s it for now. Oh, I didn’t call any psychics yesterday, so I think today makes day #2, so if I want to call tomorrow I guess I can. I might. IDK.  We’ll see.

Jodie’s predictions

I reached out to Jodie this morning, even though I technically took her off my list and dont quite trust her anymore. I could barely sleep last night, was very restless and just wanted to feel at peace. I thought about calling Steve but what would I really ask him?

And I realized Jodie is great at details. That’s her thing. Here is what she said:

-I am all over his mind, almost to the point where it’s driving him crazy

-He is trying to work through the problem but trying to work through it in his mind, not with his heart, right now.

-He has talked to his male friends about it trying to figure it out

-It could be up to another 2 weeks before I hear from him

-He will end up at a balanced decision (using head and heart)

-She is still concerned about weather being a problem for us as far as seeing each other

-She gives it about 75% of us ending up together but thinks it’s only at 75% instead of 90% because he’s still thinking about things

-He will wonder if it’s been too long for him to talk to me but goes for it anyway

-I should say something that lets him know I understand (i know it was a heavy conversation, etc) about why he backed off

-He doesn’t want to lose me and ends up deciding that

-He ends up being really positive about the future we could have

 

So. We shall see.

But, I went one day without talking to psychics – my challenge to myself is to go at least 2 more days.

 

The bigger picture!

I ended up signing up for Match.com this weekend again — I mean it can’t hurt, right, to talk to other guys and entertain myself / get my ego back up while I’m hoping mr. needs to wake up comes back around.

And then I just thought to myself: what is it all about? Is it about this particular person, or about the bigger picture that matters more – that I want to get married and have kids in the future?

I mean I liked this guy a lot and really hoped to get things off the ground with him but, if that doesn’t happen, is it the most terrible thing in the world? No. As long as I get what I ultimately want – which is to be in love and happy and married with a family.

Ok that’s my main thought for the day.