Some lessons learned

So I was in the shower where all major breakthroughs happen, and I was thinking about the two clowns who occupied muchoff my thoughts the past few months and i realized…. I must be pretty cocky. With CF I knew he was scared of  relationships but I think I’m a great catch so I’m like if a guy will get over it he will get over it with me. But no, I think it’s not about a girl it’s about the guy himself deciding he really wants to try. And nobody has ever learned to appreciate something while they still have it. 

With CP, same deal but I was hopeful. They say people tell you who they are but maybe that’s only true to a certain extent. Like maybe when someone says I get a little scared, it means I get a little scared and might be immature about it and run away and drop you like you never mattered. 

At the end of the day I could never change those guys and make them into relationship material. And I thought I was just failing and had something wrong with me, but maybe the only thing wrong was my belief that I could make a person ready for something they’re just aren’t quite ready for.

I did end up signing up for match, went on a few dates, and yes there are still as many weirdos as last time..but I met this guy … I don’t remember when our first date was but so far I really like him. He treats me so well, and this is so typical but to a small part of me it’s off putting. Suffocating almost. I’m so not used to it. Isnt that sad? He is in real estate, a little younger, calls me beautiful and little girl as nick names, compliments me when I make an effort, takes me to nice places, calls me every day and wants to see me every day, and he is crazy about me as far as I can tell. I’m not running away, I feel like I should just ease into it, like stepping into a hot bath. You know it’s gonna feel amazing but you have to get over the initial ahhh it’s hot part!

I will keep you guys updated… But I think the biggest thing to learn through my heartache and trials is….1) psychics may be right sometimes but none were right when it came down to what really mattered. Save your money and have faith that you are here for a reason it is your divine right to be loved, so if it’s the wrong person it’s just a matter of time before you meet the right one. 2) even if you’re the most amazing kindest beautiful down to earth girl, if a guy is not ready he is just not ready, and chances are he doesn’t even know how to articulate that. Sometimes I don’t want a relationship just means I’m not ready even though you’re great and I can tell you want more. I can’t meet you in the middle and thats not fair. So screw the guy who wrote it just means I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. Way to create complexes in young women lol. 3) keep trying 4) it’s ok to take timeouts and to cry out of frustration with your love life! Just get it out of your system keep your head up and keep moving.

To be continued!

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