Still not at the other side!! But, some interesting commentary on what it’s like..

Ok, so today’s post will be about two things — one, where I’m at currently — and two, what I heard recently from a friend who is recently married, aka, at the other side.

Currently, I’ve been dating a guy for almost a month, and I’m starting to see more and more of his personality — I like a LOT of things about him, but he can be fairly arrogant about certain things — his looks, for one, and thinking he’s awesome in general, and how healthy he thinks he is because he has abs. The arrogance grates on me. But is it something that should be enough to make me say “pass” ?? 

He also has a tendency to make plans to get together but not actually go any further than that, so he shows up and asks what I want to do. On the spot. And I’m like, I didn’t know I was supposed to make a plan. He will say we can do anything you want! So I say, okay, well, uh…let me go Google what’s going on today that we can make at a certain time, etc.

And, it’s kind of stressful! It ends up being fun (obvy, cause my ideas rock) but I asked him the other day to give me a few days if he wants me to come up with something. 

He then told me he’s worried I think he is boring! But I don’t, I just want him to come up with stuff. Is that too much to ask? Are guys capable of planning dates — if they live 45 min away from you?

Next, and this is a big red flag, he swears at me jokingly — as in, eff-you (but says the whole thing, not “eff” — ) and that is absolutely not OK with me, given that an ex did that then one day dropped the C-bomb. You don’t recover from that easily. So, no, not OK. And he defends himself. The situation was, some person was going to drive into us and I said OMG OMG stop! And he said I would never let anything happen to you, did you really think I didn’t see the car? And I paused and said, well… I guess, yes, and he got mad and was like oh yeah well how is this EFF YOU. 

So I simply stopped talking, looked at him, and said — that’s not okay. Unacceptable.  And he got mad. 

So we will see…. I def have my doubts. But there are things I really like about him. He’s very very affectionate, sexy as heck sometimes, tries hard to live a healthier life than he has in the past, is an awesome dad to his daughter, etc.

 

Ok so on to the next part about commentary from the other side  — she says, she’s bored. She said when you’re single you spend your time worrying about if you will find the person, and then you get married, and then it’s not a fairytale. It’s just life as usual. 

So, marriage is not the end all and be all. I think we all knew that, but finding the one doesn’t magically make your life feel blessed and amazing every day. I think that really has to come inside from the individual. I do know one person who swears her life is a fairytale, even through all the ups and downs, but I think it’s cause she truly wants to look at it that way, so it BECOMES that. Thoughts become things.

Like with this guy, I wonder if I’m putting him under a microscope and focusing on the negative — like I’m looking for disqualifiers — instead of focusing more on the good things. Granted, you can’t pass on big red flags like swearing at you in favor of good qualities.

Thoughts?

The Orange Juicer / Guys Mental Commitment Timelines… so weird.

alright……

That pretty much sums up how I feel. Saw the most recent interest this weekend… but, again, not in the way I wanted. He went out with his friends, said he’d be free later, and asks me to pick up him from the bar, we go back to his place, basically have a sex marathon, annnnd cuddle and sleep.  Ok when I say sex marathon, I mean:

  • bedroom
  • living room bending me over the couch
  • bedroom again
  • bathroom with me up on the counter. So. Fucking. Hot. I swear I fell in love and started panicking. Cause he was doing the eye-contact fucking thing, which, eye contact while having sex for extended periods of time is hypnotizing. All of a sudden I was like, fuck, I’m falling in love with this kid already. It got WAY to intense.  But, I’m not falling in love, it was just the sex got REALLY intimate. Then he wanted to cum inside me, but again that’s like, kind of serious for me, so I said no.
  • …and again in the morning.

For some wacky reason I decide that while I’m giving him head is a good time to ask him what the deal is about him not ever talking to me. (Ok, I was three martinis deep. Which, I had gotten by going out for drinks with another guy. I know, seems a little fucked up, but, drunken decisions aren’t the brightest ones). He basically said he doesn’t like texting, so I said, then just call me, and he said OK. Etc. So, supposedly he is going to start calling me… when we parted ways, I said call me this week and he said he would.

Ok, so after we woke up we did go out to brunch, actually the place was really good, and he starts talking about marriage.

This is where the line gets so friggin blurry with this kid. Ok, so, it seems like just sex, even tho he said no, the door is open for more (but, actions not words) …and then this morning for example he’s typing in his computer password and he says outloud “I love (my name)” and of course I just laugh.

But we’re at breakfast, and he brings up marriage. As a topic. Which leads to him saying that he is at the beginning of everyone getting married and that I must be right in the thick of it (I’m 2 years older) and he jokingly says, well, you should just get married then. So I look down and smile, look back up and say “yeah…about that….” and laugh in a, “not happening anytime soon” way.

And that goes in to him talking about how some of his friends have girlfriends they are marrying or will marry but his friends still cheat on all the time, and he thinks it’s ridiculous (I agreed). Then he was talking about how he is always the single guy, so he’s feeling pressure from his family, etc, because now at events he’s like, the only one without a significant other. And he is talking about how his mom jokes that he will be 42 and marry a 28 year old divorcee, then says she’s been right about everything so far, but it’s just a joke (etc).  And then it’s how he’s been picky with women but in a good way, not wanting to hold on to a girl because he didn’t want to hurt her, but ultimately cause he knew she wasn’t the right one. And how he feels like when he does get married, he will fully commit and not be tempted by things.

And I’m sitting there, like, OK, so how do I fit into this picture. But you all know me (if you don’t I’ll tell you anyway,) I may use this blog to get all the crazy overanalyzing chick thoughts out, but in person I’m cool as a freaking cucumber. Like, couldn’t have played it out better.

So to test the waters, I said, “so is this weird for you…?” meaning breakfast. Us hanging out. And he said “this? no, I havent taken you to a wedding yet” (laughing).  Ok, he said yet. Interesting. May mean nothing, may be a good thing. But I continue:

“I’m in not rush for that stuff, granted, guys have a lot longer to figure it out than women do, and yeah I want a family one day, but I’d rather just find the guy when I find him and not rush stuff and have it be the right guy, than be pushing because I want kids someday.”

Hmm what else… so, he DID ask who I went out with last night before I met up with him. “friends”  then I said, “well, *a* friend.”

And then he dug a little… “oh? like a hot date type friend?”

and I was getting dressed at the time, so I kind of laughed (like fuck how did he know) but just answered “it was my friend (so and so’s) cousin” without actually saying the person was male or female. He probably knew I was being dicey but, what am I going to say?

Yeah I went out with a guy last night, we’re not exclusive as far as I know, what of it? Are you asking cause you want to be exclusive?

I felt like he would have been pissed. I think he expects loyalty, even though he isn’t putting anything on the table.

Also at brunch he was like, talking about cooking again so I ask when I’m going to get to see it, and he’s like “soon, definitely soon” or something. Ok, so he might cook for me.

And when I picked him up, before I agreed to it, I said on one condition (and he said, yeah?) and I said: you bring me with you next time, and he agreed. We will see.

And we talked about the movies, and he is going away next weekend so he said the weekend after that. So I said, if you don’t wanna see it just tell me, and he’s like, no i do, etc etc. OKay.

OK, sidenote: He brought up fresh squeezed orange juice and how they had a juicer as a kid etc, and he wants one really bad. But, apparently not until he’s married, because I offered to get one for his birthday, and he like freaked out and was like, “I’m not ready for that.” I just said, it’s just a juicer… cause to me, like, live it up if you want a juicer get one lol.

But he apparently has his little plan and a juicer comes in after he gets married. He actually talked about it as something that he’d put on his registry. I laughed and said, you already knew what’s going on your registry? LOL.

He also told me he thought I’d fit right in on some website named after an onion (but not the onion) where girls upload pics of themselves scantily clad etc. And then he immediately said, not that I want you doing that.  He’s just so all over the place. Can’t make heads or tails of him.

But yeah. IDK. I did like him a lot initially, and now I’m just like…. well, sex doesn’t matter to me, I mean it’s fun and great to have good sex. But that doesn’t really make a guy stand out in my mind. I had fun talking at brunch etc except, it just sounded a bunch like a guy who might be emotionally unavailable. Or, he’s evaluating me as someone to fill that slot in his life. Either way, I’m tired of not getting what I want. It’s all sex, and we’ve been out a few times, but I guess I’m tired of doing the heavy lifting myself. Like, if this guy doesn’t call me, I’m never talking to him again. Unless he talks to me first. I’m just done!

The other guy I went out with, is like all about me. He’s like its awesome that youre beautiful and intelligent, and he texted me today to be like between the espresso and being excited about you i didn’t get much sleep last night, next time let’s do sangrias, I had fun. And he has this awesome job trading oil securities, but, IDK, he’s kind of short. Some guys are short and I find really attractive, but he’s only semi attractive and short. So IDK. We will see.