There comes a time in every “new” couple’s relationship where one person wants to know what things are. Where is it headed??? Is it a thing? Are we on the same page?
But, as all females know, bringing this up too soon can be the kiss of death in a relationship. Here are the only two guidelines you need. Ask yourself WHY you want to know. Then examine the meaning behind those answers. If fear, or insecurity, is behind any of it — well —
Don’t bring it up out of fear. Don’t bring it up out of insecurity. If those two reasons are driving your need to know, then don’t ask.
The time you should bring it up, is when you think you already know the answer, and its an answer you like.
In my case with Sky, I have been wondering, but given the distance it’s a bit funky. A lot has happened since we last saw each other, and both times we have seen each other since this whole thing started, Sky has found reason to freak out (although silly reasons in my opinion). Yet, we say our I love yous, and our I miss yous, and have cute pet names, and talk daily, and basically act like gf/bf.
Today, it came up in conversation. Text conversation, and normally I refuse to talk about anything serious over text since inflection is lost and things can be taken the wrong way. But I didn’t want to wait and bring it up on the phone, so I just went there. Basically, he read something I wrote backwards (to read, I said something like my boyfriend’s friend, when I really wrote my friend’s boyfriend) and he pointed that out – so I responded with something cute and coy and kind of indirect, but direct enough, that said if anyone were to have that spot it would be someone who –and I proceeded to describe him and our relationship.
He said, valid argument. So I pressed a bit to ask if that meant I should say I have a boyfriend when it comes up, or if we were still figuring that out?? (Notice how I put in the second option, to balance out the “ask” and still have it be positive)
He responded with something good 🙂 It was what I kind of thought, that: we get it right when we see each other, but he has tossed gf in when talking about me, but we should make sure we together hold together before such things are kept solid
I was happy to hear he has used the term! I haven’t, although hoped for it, and told him I was happy to hear it and that we are on the same page as far as knowing we have to see each other again and also in what we hope it will be.
It’s funny…looking back over the past..however many months. Though we have had highs and some serious lows where we haven’t spoken at all, we keep trending up over time. I like it. 🙂
One of the takeaways: If someone isn’t speaking to you, it definitely doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking of you. Sometimes, men (or women!) need time to clear their heads, space from a situation to see it and really figure out how they feel. Giving that space can be difficult as a woman (SO difficult), but if/when he returns *you know its real* if you didn’t have to chase him to get him to come back. There is no convincing in love. People should show up of their own accord, not out of obligation or guilt or manipulation. And Sky knew, both times he has gone silent for a while, that what he did/was doing was sucky. I didn’t have to yell at him when he returned. I did express that it was really hard and really sucked, but I also knew he had likely already beaten himself up about it so I didn’t need to. However, I was still honest about my experience.