What happens when you track a guy down to ask why he’s been so distant?

I haven’t really touched on what does happen when you do decide to contact a guy who has taken a step back (or..you know, ran a marathon in the other direction) – but, one of my close friends has done the opposite of what I feel/think is best recently so I wanted to let you know about it.

First guy: Man A. A had dated her, was recently divorced, and then did the rubber band. She questioned him a lot and he did communicate. He went his separate way, and then came back about a month later. Things seemed good, and then they went sour again. She again ended up calling him and he told her that he just didn’t see a future with her in that way, and that they were better off as friends.

Now, had she left it or waited to see what he would do – I see two probable outcomes. 1) He says nothing, she wonders but eventually moves on anyway, and no weird conversation happens that makes her feel worse about herself and her ability to find and be loved. 2) He does whatever he wants to do, and the door is still open to her so eventually he pops back in. Existing relationships are always easier to pick up then forging new ones. You already know that at least at one point, that person liked you and you liked them. But instead, he was forced to have a conversation (and this is after several conversations partially about the same thing) and it maybe forced an answer that wasn’t in her favor

Man B: Started off well enough, at first she was still hung up on Man A so didn’t care for Man B. Eventually she opened up to Man B, and then Man B started pulling away, into stretches of no contact. She was sure it was another woman or something like that, so she facebook stalked him and found out he recently re-added his ex-girlfriend. She texted, he dodged and didn’t answer, twice I think – and then she called. He DID answer, and he did have a conversation with her where he ended up telling her he just didn’t feel it in his soul. ??? After two months. Seems a bit early for soul-knowingness.

Anyway, again – had she left it, perhaps it would have been painful but then the door is open for him to return, if she felt she liked him enough to do that. Perhaps timing is wrong, whatever it is, if you don’t force a conversation the man is not ready to have, then the door stays open, and the bridges unburned.

It’s possible that chasing him down to make him have a conversation is what led to him saying what he said about not feeling it in his soul, and so on. Here’s the thing – we all go through ups and downs an uncertainties – if you catch someone when they are uncertain, and force them to talk about their feelings – then you aren’t going to get a positive response. And then that person knows what they said to you, and they can’t unsay it.

I mean, can you really see yourself calling someone up or texting someone and being like hey, let’s get together or chatting after you told them that you don’t see a future or any other flavoring of that statement? No, it makes it much harder. Plus, if you factor in cognitive dissonance, which is basically our own bias to believe and follow through with things we have thought, said or done, EVEN if they weren’t true originally — then you are not going to go against your own decision at one point, because it makes you look weak.

Food for thought.

Any of you experience positive outcomes from forcing a guy to speak when he has gone distant? What about negatives? Comment!!


Whirlwind Wedding Weekend

…say that one three times fast!  Anyway, this past weekend was a blur, my friend got married and I was in the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding, but I felt like my whole Memorial Day weekend was sucked up – probably wouldn’t have if the boy had been invited, but he wasn’t. Sad face.

He was invited to night-before-the-wedding drinks, though, so that was a lot of fun.

But since then, it just seems like I don’t have enough “give” left in me to make him happy. Like, I’m so overwhelmed/worn out with everything, I feel like I need a vacation or just a whole bunch of time to myself. Right now, I feel like I’m like a dog chasing her tail when they never quite reach it. I just have so much stuff to DO and it seems like it keeps on going.

He keeps telling me that I’m tired a lot at night, which is true. But I’m getting offended by it. Like I’m sorry, I have had a billion things going on, and after working 9-6, then getting my stuff and telling you I’m getting a pedicure to do SOMETHING for myself, then getting the dogs together and then driving an hour and a half to your place to get there at 10:30…like yeah, I’m tired.

That was the first time he said it (that weird weekend), then he said it again yesterday …

part of me is wondering if this distance is getting to me. At least during the week. Cause if we try to get together during the week, my day goes like this: work 9-6, sit in the worst traffic ever for an hour (to go a distance that normally takes half that time), then meet for dinner or the movies or whatever. And my thoughts are, I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to sit in traffic for an hour just to get dinner with someone. Maybe if I hadn’t seem him recently, or wasn’t going to see him soon, but i saw him Saturday, then I”m seeing him Friday, and I’ve been crazy busy so it’s not like I had time to miss anyone.

He also got upset at me because after the wedding on Sunday, I texted him to say I was coming to see him (OK, shouldn’t have, def drank too much) and his response was “yaa you know I”m not at my house right”  so at that point, I just though “well, OK then” and turned around and went home since it was already late, and like I said I wasn’t totally sober. But then he was upset that I just didn’t call and see if I could still come or where to meet him. Turns out “yaa” meant, yay, not yaa as in sarcasm, which is what I read it as.

Also, I have lost all motivation to work out, I feel like I can’t lose more weight (I lost like almost 3 lbs, but then I just wanted to eat shit food), I have tons of laundry to do, things like that. All I really want to do is hide from life under my bed lol. Sigh :/

I think it’s also bothering me that, I don’t know when he’s moving back to my area, which he said he was initially, only then those plans aren’t materializing. So then what, you know?

And I also can’t tell if the luke-warmness of my feelings right now is mainly because I’m just so rundown as it is.

Does anyone else ever get like this? Or do I have issues? LOL