Trying to feel a little lighter today

So it’s been a hard few weeks, I’m not going to lie. On the plus side, I’m buying a condo! On the down side, I finally got my confidence back up and went out with some friends, just looking to have a good time and be myself, and wouldn’t you know it I end up attracting this beautiful man, who is in the military, is a half owner of a crossfit gym, has his master’s, etc, does stuff with science so we ended up talking about chemistry haha who does that, anyways, i was really excited about him. Make out sesh basically most of the night, but I didn’t go home w him because I thought I wanted to go for the bigger prize and not shoot myself in the foot by making myself look easy.

Anyway, he seemed to be just as into it because he didn’t want to let me go (his words) and also got my number, and made tentative plans for what would have been this past weekend. Of course, it didn’t end up happening, and I haven’t heard from him. But it being that it’s rare to find someone you hit it off with like that these days, I decided to look him up on facebook and try to find him because worst case scenario, he ignores or doesn’t accept and then it’s exactly the same as before I send the friend request.

Now I know that things aren’t really in my favor here since, he has my number, and could have picked up the phone, but I figured I’d give it one nudge and if it leads to nothing, then it clearly wasn’t meant to be anything than a fun night. And then I know I made the right decision in NOT going home with him because it wouldn’t have happened sooner rather than later anyways, and chances are I wouldn’t have heard from him again anyway.

The condo thing is super exciting but there’s a caveat in that while the listing agent told me the weight limit was 50 lbs, it was really 40 lbs, which means Melody would not be allowed in the condo. And THEN what? IDK. I’m hoping for the best.

So through all of this dating stuff the one thing I came away with was that I haven’t attracted my “one” yet, and so I must need to keep working on myself. And I honestly feel like over the past 4-5 months it’s been intensive, and hard work, and like it’s been TOO much. Like, I’m trying so hard to make it all right so that I can get what I really want in life. But part of thinks, it’s not working… this year has been worse than other years when you weren’t in intensive therapy! lol. So I want to stop.

But then, the other part of me — that small voice — says it’s always darkest before the dawn, and I should keep going.

I’m also trying so hard not to be jaded now, but it’s difficult when you’ve seen people treat you in ways that the majority of the population would not consider OKay. It’s been rough, that’s for sure.

This is where I’m hoping it’s a God Blessed the Broken Road type deal..

Anyway, that’s all for now. Just had to pour my heart out and try to feel a little lighter today.




Promise letter to my future wife…

Read this–especially if you’re a female dangerously close to being a permanent citizen of “all men are jerks” land. A friend of mine wrote this. It’s amazing.