finally – the miss you too text!

I had an appt with my therapist today  — gotta tell you, if you find the right one they are SO helpful. Advice is way more on point than friends and it just helps you feel so much better. I caught her up on my life, and specifically with Sky, and she encouraged me to act out of love instead of fear, and tell him how I feel – short message – hey, thinking of you, miss you

So that’s what I sent. and I FINALLY got a sign of light at the end of this weird tunnel – finally he wrote miss you too (and more about how he’s busy today). So then I sent him another message about how I’m excited to see him soon, a little nervous since it’s been so long but excited. (that was my therapist’s initial advice).

I feel like half the weight was just lifted from my shoulders ::bliss::

Lesson? Sometimes you have to put your own emotions aside – especially if they are stopping you from taking action – and decide to act out of love despite your personal feelings and despite fear.

And relationships are give and take, but sometimes one person does a lot more of the giving and sometimes the other person does.

Credit for those thoughts mainly goes to my rockin therapist 😀

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What if relationship stress is really just a test based on personal fear?

To update you on Sky – well, he did text me this morning (yay!) – more about, how he’s tired, and then what he did with at work that morning. We went back and forth a tiny bit – not much – but better than nothing. I told him I was proud of his work ethic or something like that (trying to be supportive) and said something about how it can’t be easy. Conversation dropped off after a bit.

Mid-afternoon I sent him a message to ask how his day was going, answer was something along the lines of still busy…

And nothing since.

Of course, a million thoughts have been going through my mind. Like, is the writing on the wall? Is he gently blowing me off? What on earth is going on with this upcoming wedding I’m supposedly going to? Is he even still coming back home? Is there someone else?

…all the typical insecure female thoughts.

And then: What am I going to DO about it all?

Options are: Try to talk to him. Some people would say the obvious thing is to call him but – I’m a wimp, and I’m scared, and I feel like if he can’t even really text or message, why would he want to talk on the phone. Plus, he has not answered and not called back before.

Or, not talk to him. Let him talk to me.

It seems like not talking to him would be the worst thing to do in this situation given the upcoming trip. I decided to not be invasive and be extra loving (though he doesn’t deserve it really right now). It’s the complete opposite of my normal thing.

As far as the wedding… my mindset is, normally if you have plans with a man and it hasn’t been confirmed really recently then you act like it’s not happening. But this is an event. And he asked what kind of food I wanted. And booked a hotel room for two nights.

Thus, I must act like it is happening – but – not go out of my way to prepare for it (no additional outfit, hair, accessory, or makeup related purchases) and, not be surprised if it doesn’t happen for whatever reason.

I do feel a little bit like a pushover, since normally I’d be all quiet and well, screw-you then attitude (not really, I’d be upset, but I’d be all I AM NOT TALKING FIRST!). And honestly… at times it really hurts. I’ve been crying on and off for the past few days, but today I feel my mindset has settled a bit. I ended up on this:

What if this right now, it’s all a test? 

To either show me how I can choose to handle things, when I don’t really know what’s going on. What if everything really is fine, and he really is just super busy and not a great communicator, and I’m not in his day-to-day musts so I fall off the agenda. That plus, what if this is military life as an officer? Retardedly long days for days on end sometimes.

And instead of considering that, I immediately jumped to the worst option – dooms day – and made my own life hard, when perhaps that was unnecessary? Sure, he could handle his affairs with me better (in my opinion) – but what if, a week from now, or two-ish weeks from now he’s back here and things are fine, and I made myself miserable mostly because of my own thoughts.

Just passing time until then I suppose… Positive thoughts. ❤

Dating is like the adult version of Snakes and Ladders.

Hi Internet,

It’s been almost a month since I posted about my long distance relationship… and, things were going strong for a bit and now we are in a dip. It’s unfortunate timing because he is actually coming home at the end of the month, and we are going to a wedding together – his family’s.

But, Saturday night he passed out before saying goodnight – first time in a while. And then I ended up with a migraine Monday/Tuesday, so I was out for the count basically and kind of distant (well, when you’re in pain and crabby and PMSing on top of it you really want to steer clear of people). So

Monday I was asleep at like 7, we did say goodnight briefly and he was sweet. Tuesday I passed out even earlier and then called him just before 9, but he was already asleep so a super brief goodnight I love you type thing. You know what it’s like talking to people who are asleep and not waking up. So Wednesday I was looking forward to talking to him… and… he passed out on me again, again without telling me he was sleepy or anything. He did call me but again was half asleep. So instead of the usual “talk to you tomorrow” I said “maybe talk to you tomorrow” and he took offense that I said maybe. I explained that I said maybe cause I have my weekly meeting with my team, and he would def be asleep after, and I would try to talk to him before but he was like “suuure” so I said – okay cranky pants and he goes you’re the one who’s been cranky all week. I said it’s been like two days he goes yeah that’s all week. :/ and we said I love you’s and goodnight.

Thursday… dooms day… I should probably also mention his morning texts stopped. He used to text me around 5:30 am to mention how he’s tired. Was hopeful I’d have something Thursday morning but no dice. Ah well, I am thinking will probably have something post-work-morning meeting. At around 11:15 I see – no messages. Awesome.

I text him hi, he says top of the morning – and I say

Just about. Dress came. Just got out of our morning meeting. What have you been up to

Also – to clarify – I said maybe talk to you tomorrow because you have been passed out the past two nights before we got to talk 😉 it wasn’t meant as in I don’t want to talk to you

And he says “suuure” so I say

No, seriously- I was bummed out that you were already passed out yesterday and kinda the day before but that’s my bad cause I passed out first on tues. By talking I mean talking not texting etc. When I said I missed you yesterday I meant it

And he goes “okey dokey”

… and talking to him proceeded to be in kind of one-word answers.

<<break>><<time warp>><<now it’s Monday>>

Ahhh okay, so I drafted this and now it’s several days later. Spoiler alert: Not much has changed communication wise. Which means: 😐
Sorry ladies and men, but why the eff do people have to get cold feet? Sky is supposedly coming home in two weeks, we haven’t seen each other since January, and he picks NOW to come in with a cold front? @#$%@#*%!!!!
Honestly, because of that little chat I described above, at first I thought it was kind of my fault we aren’t talking much. On Friday, I ended up putting on my big girl panties, messaging him and asking about why are we talking less now, and he said that, after you (as in me) were grumpy to me he decided to take a step back and focus on himself and catch up on “good sleep” — and that talking with me is hard sometimes because of his schedule…getting up super early, and he ends up staying up late (for him) if we talk. So of course I interpret that as him being overwhelmed and maybe not wanting to talk at night as much as we have? And I asked him that (communication tool, repeat back what you think you are hearing to see if you understand). He didn’t confirm or deny but said “it’s just hard sometimes”.

…okay then. So I asked what he wanted to do going forward, then realized that was a silly question cause what are gonna do, get on a schedule? That’s not realistic. He agreed and said he didn’t like schedules anyway….

Nothing really other than that, except I got a message at 8:15 pm saying he just got home and how much he loves getting home that late. And that he had to be up early for skydiving. I wrote back but he let my last message hang and…

We didn’t say goodnight. So now it’s been two days without even a sleepy goodnight phone call or an i love you, or even an i miss you. And since Sunday since we have actually spoken on the phone at any length. Or even him asking how I am, or what I’ve been up to.

It’s like listening to static on the line.

Next day I get a message about how here we go, traveling and jumping until midnight – and I said, teasingly, awww poor demonstration skydiver ::plays tiny violin:: 😉 — and no response. Nothing else from him until… I messaged that evening and said that I hope it went well. He said they lived, I said that’s good and then I said I was going to bed soon, busy day (kind of hoping he’d ask what I had been up to, since he has no idea) and he just said sleep well nighty night.

So I said, night, mwah ..which he usually will respond to with another kiss, but nothing. It sounds silly I know, but these types of things become so much more important when you can’t actually see the person all that much… I really wanted some reassurance at that point, but … nothing. I felt like I was looking for a blip on the radar that our relationship is still alive, but all I’m seeing is a flat line, with a very weak pulse here and there.

Admittedly, it doesn’t sound that bad but when you are used to all day long texts, questions about what I’m doing, and goodnight phone calls and saying I love you to each other daily – well – what’s going on now is literally like a drip from a faucet in comparison. Maybe he is busy, but it’s like he doesn’t care about what I’m doing or how I am these days. Or about our relationship. At least not in any way he is showing me.

Sunday nothing all day – I texted him to say hi, and he said he was just packing up to go home and that he was “fucking beat” – exhausted. I asked if it was a good jumping day and he kind of crabily got back to me with how it was “fucking slow”. I said, makes the other days even better tho! And nothing, again no goodnight. No miss you. No text kisses. No emotional connection of any kind.

Today… I texted him saying hope he has a better day today and he said- always better, and then gave me some strange comment about his work – I responded and that was that. was it until literally just now, where he messaged me to say the day goes by faster when you’re wheeling and dealing all day.

Well no shit Sherlock — I feel like saying. But I will wait a bit and then respond with something sweeter.

Heh. He is supposed to be home in TWO WEEKS. And we are barely talking. Or talking like distant friends. Not two people who are in love and want to be together. Correction, as far as I can tell one of us is in love and wants to be with the other person, the other is mildly entertained by the idea and at other times all for it.

But I guess that’s all we are, technically. Is friends. It’s like the longest discovery period ever. I mean, he didn’t want to call this a relationship, or commit to it… valid reasoning for why, he wants to be sure it works first – and we needed to see each other again. But, I thought we were heading in that direction and… I guess now I see where we really stand. Or at least where he really stands.

I have to tell you, it did feel a little too good to be true at points recently. I was *so* happy and…who really gets to be that happy.

I mean what happened to hitting a relaxed pace where all the games stop??? I have to be honest though, I have a sinking feeling that maybe… the talking now is because… he just doesn’t want to hurt me. Maybe he is waiting until he comes home to tell me the whole truth, that he doesn’t want to be together.

See, these are my fears creeping up and bubbling to the surface. But when you’ve been hurt so many times by people behaving similarly, you kind of jump to conclusions. It can be dangerous I know–and hopefully that thought is wrong. But I am scared. Be lying if I said I wasn’t.

I have to say, I tried something different in trying to speak with him and be nice. Normally I absolutely say, let them pursue when things are unclear. I feel like in this case I have been talking to Sky for SO long, and we have been friends for 15x that, that the rules change a bit. I gotta tell you, when you are unsure about something it’s exhausting initiating all the contact and not really getting anything other than a civil response. No show of emotion, not real interest in my life whatsoever.

And this is why they call it the dating game, folks. Sometimes you’re up…wayyyy up..and then before you even realize what’s happening, sometimes everything is different. It’s frigging chutes and ladders (or snakes and ladders), real-world style.

But it can happen both for bad, and for good. For example, just ten days ago or so one of my good friends was in that mode where we think we will never find the person for us. And today, she has met someone new, and she has already met his family (they were visiting town), he was talking about them taking a trip together in the future, and he drunkenly talked about her being his girlfriend. And she’s really happy. And I’m so happy for her. But jealous too.

…… on another, way more personal note. When I get stuck, I mean really stuck, and I’m so sad, I talk to psychics for help. Some people don’t think they know what they’re talking about and they are all a bunch of phoneys, but I can tell you from my experience that there are truly some who are gifted. And many give the recognition of their gift to God. And I have to say, that I have been told, by several, that this back and forth with him continues for a while.

If you’d like recommendations (and no I don’t get any kind of kickback) – then here are the ones who have been accurate for me and I find trustworthy:

CindyS (bitwine) – No timing. No tools (no tarot etc just tunes in) – Only does person to person relationship predictions and readings. She is blunt so if you can’t handle it when someone tells you how you are contributing to a problem (or are the cause of a problem), then don’t read with her. But she is fast, has a good heart, and has been right with every single prediction she’s made for me.
AboutAGirl (bitwine) – Mainly tarot and combined with her personal intuition. Super detailed chat readings, but expect to wait and then receive full thoughts/paragraphs. Best bet is to buy her package deals since readings with her aren’t as fast as those who don’t use tools. Kind of pricey given the time she takes to give readings, but she is generous when you are on her package deals, and she has a great track record with me. I’ve been reading with her for the longest out of this list, and she stays at the top of my list.
SkarletRae (bitwine and you can find her on Facebook) – No timing, gifted, and super sweet. More expensive than others but worth it. If she wasn’t so expensive I would put her in my number 1 spot!
Lidia Ladelle (bitwine) – She is newer to my list but is fast becoming a favorite. Does timing, has been accurate, and tunes in right away. No tools as far as I know. Sweet lady and average pricing, def worth it for all the information she channels. She’s a bit different in that she will say stuff like, “he’s telling me..” and then tells you, like she’s having another world conversation with the person in question. LOL. She also has a stellar track record to date, most things happening either on time or sooner than she said.
SteveBlackFoot (fiverr) – I’ve done the subconscious read with him. One of the last times he gave me some advice I was too scared to follow, but then Sky ended up telling me to do the same (it was in regards to how to handle him). He’s super cheap. But not on-demand chat or phone readings like the others.
AbundantVisions (ThirdEyeLive) – She absolutely nailed some time predictions, and others I couldn’t figure out. Like 80-90% nailed it. You will wait to talk to her, sometimes for days, other times you might luck out. The last reading I had with her – well, it wasn’t positive really in any way so it spooked me, I am hoping she is wrong and it was an off night. BUT we will soon find out. She’s also in California I think, and she works at night during the week and then on weekends, so factor that in to your timing expectations.