Here we are, January 14th, and … he’s still out doing whatever he is doing which doesn’t involve talking to me.
It sucks, plain and simple. The more time goes by, the more I think about him. I wondered today if I should message him and ask if he’s okay. But then I thought about why I would do that — and basically it’s not that I want us to talk, because if he doesn’t want to talk then I don’t want to. I want to know what happened, because if it’s over it’s over. I’d also love for him to be able to tell me it’s not going to happen anytime soon if he knows that. But that would be against his own interests, in case he does want to hope that I’m still around in the future. But I do deserve closure, if it’s an ending. However, even I can intellectually realize that this is very likely not the last I have heard from him. I suppose its best to keep away and let him come to me when he’s ready…
I had a disappointing chat with someone I really look up to. She basically said let him go, accept he doesn’t want a relationship, etc. But, I don’t think it’s that I haven’t accepted that. It’s that I don’t want to go anywhere, and I’m accepting the terms as they are.
Still, it gets more and more confusing for me the more time that goes by. But when I think back to all the men who ghosted after I knew we were having a great time together, they always came back at some point — and it was always, that they didn’t want a relationship at that time, and our connection was either not deep enough (they ended up with someone else) or, their actions tainted my memory of them. In my case with Sky, while his actions do taint my opinion of him perhaps to something more realistic, there is still so much good there that my heart still likes him. As crazy as that may seem.
And, I think my angels are close by because yesterday I saw a children’s book of otters… and today someone gave me a video that someone sent to someone else .. and in it the woman is talking about what went wrong in her relationship. One of those things was listening to her friends’ advice, because her friends were telling her not to do a long-distance relationship (or something). The second thing is the woman never said yes to the man about living together, marriage, etc. So, she lost him. And the message was that she should have just listened to herself, and it’s her life at the end of the day and doesn’t want that kind of negativity in it if people can’t support her. So! That was heart-warming for me, too.
I have a date on Saturday with a guy I met at a friend’s holiday party. It’s lunch, nice and low-key. I can do that. There was another guy I was talking to who was kind of a horn-dog in that he’s asking for pics and commenting on my “assets” from photos — just rude. And selling himself too much as far as having a townhouse with three bedrooms he doesn’t know what to do with, and needs decorating help, etc.
gettingtotheotherside 