Here’s to Single Friends! & the When Do I Sleep With Him Dilemma

My single friends are becoming more and more like diamonds in the rough. Seriously. When you’re in your early 20s, everyone kind of does the dating thing and we all fall down every once in a while, laugh it off and keep going.

But then people start finding the right one for them, and one day you realize most of your friends are in serious, long term relationships. And sure, hanging out with them is great (once they are passed the lovey-dovey stage), but it stops being that same kind of, we are all on the same page here, fun. You’re the only one sharing dating war stories, and they can’t really do the normal “counter-share” because their problems are actual relationship, or engagement, or marriage problems. You’re sitting there all, “why didn’t he respond to my text??” and she’s all, “this bridesmaid is stressing me out because…”.

Granted, deep down we know one day it will be us dealing with stresses that come with various relationship statuses. The thing I tell myself is, through going to/being in weddings, I’m learning which potholes to avoid when I one day have to plan my own wedding. But still, I do start to feel silly when I’m pouting over whether or not some guy I only sort of know will get back to me about something; it just seems so damn trivial in comparison!

So back to why I am starting to seriously appreciate my still single friends. I am so thankful for them because it helps me realize I’m NOT the only one dealing with stupid dating drama. And they are the go-tos for nights out (although I love when my paired up friends come out too!). So, cheers to you, singletons! You are all my diamonds.

Anyway, so one dating drama that always trips me up is the when to sleep together thing. You’ve got your “wait until commitment” camp, and your “if it’s meant to be it won’t matter” camp.

Here’s are my thoughts about waiting until a commitment: would you want a man who you aren’t sexually compatible with? I definitely don’t. It will kill a relationship for me. But, at the same time, I don’t want to fall into friends with benefits or the hookup category. Conundrum!!!

Same deal with the, two consenting adults/if it’s meant to be it won’t matter thing: There is a huge risk involved because, you hook up with a guy you like, and he might never call you again. Raise your hand if this happened to you!! (I’m raising my hand, ha).

So, talk about anguish!! I was thinking this morning, and I really started to wonder… Do all relationships these days start with hooking up?? Do the old rules of make him wait even apply? I usually try to wait 3 dates or so, but by then my curiosity is getting the better of me, too. Still, some people say “that’s kind of fast” to me. But I have a high sex drive. So I’m acting in accordance with what feels right to me. The thing is, after that the effort sometimes drops from the guy. :/

I mean, if you’re involved with attractive guys, if you sit there and say, “well, I don’t have sex until its a committed relationship,” he could easily go find another girl who will. Because maybe HE doesn’t want to make someone his girlfriend unless they’re sexually compatible, even if you know he wants a girlfriend. And that’s where the risk is. Now, I’m not at all saying sleep around, but maybe semi-casual sex isn’t as terrible as some people would have us believe.

Of course then it sucks when they stop calling or aren’t as attentive as you want, but.. If you’re honest with yourself, wouldn’t it still suck even if you didn’t sleep together???

If anyone out there has insight or thoughts on this topic, feel free to chime in.

3 thoughts on “Here’s to Single Friends! & the When Do I Sleep With Him Dilemma

  1. Cherri says:

    I’m starting to realise I’m also constantly wrapped up in the same conundrum. I’ve tried it both ways – and both ended up with the guy going on his way. I’ve had a relationship that lasted for 3 years that began with a one night stand – and a relationship that lasted for 3 weeks where the guy bolted as soon as the sex happened! I haven’t won so far. Where is this magical scenario people seem to talk about where you get to know each other first, get into a serious relationship, and then have wonderful sex *because* of the wait?!

    • gettingtotheotherside says:

      Hi! Your comment totally reminds me of a Sex And The City quote. “a guy can just as easily bolt after sex on the tenth date as sex on the first.”

      Yeah, I don’t think there is any sure fire way to get what we want-it has to be from both sides. And unfortunately guys lie (I’m sure girls do too, in fact I know we do, I’m just more honest than some!) … So, it really is a gamble. Ugh! But I guess if we don’t try, we will never get there!

    • gettingtotheotherside says:

      Haha I know… I honestly am beginning to think it’s some thing that guys and girls made up who are married (OK, men and women) and then they forget what they actually did to get there. Or maybe they’re being paid to say that by some anti-sex coalition. Who knows. But, this just gave me the idea to put an anonymous poll on my site about sex and relationships…. stay tuned!!!

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