Ughhh. So, i guess its apparent from this blog that I always had my doubts, except for the very beginning. But, you still always hope for the best, that if you lose your feelings you can get them back. That’s what happened with me this time, I just couldn’t get those feelings back. And he could sense it. I wasn’t being warm, I was getting bored on the phone, I wasn’t affectionate with him. Nice enough, I guess, but more like .. it felt like a job.
So I struggled with that for a few weeks, and the stupid things my mind was coming up with, and wondering why the attraction wasn’t as strong, and so on. And here’s the thing: he’s a nice, caring guy, who just wanted to be there for me and care for me. Who wanted to make things work.
But I couldn’t get there, I couldn’t match his feelings, so I felt guilty and like that wasn’t fair. And also, with all the jerky guys I’ve dated, it’s so hard to let go of a good guy, knowing that maybe the situation or the timing is off and for whatever reason it’s just not working for you.
And at first we both thought (wanted to think?) that it was the majorly stressful events in my life, and that maybe when that passed, then I’d be more emotionally available, and my feelings would grow. And also, he went active duty, was working 12 hour days, and we basically couldn’t see each other for half of June and most of July… so I’d be waiting until August to find out if we could rekindle things.
It started to feel like I was just dragging it out, and I didn’t want to get to a point where I resented him or had bad feelings towards him. Instead of just feeling sad that for whatever reasons, my feelings evaporated into thin air.
Have you guys ever dated someone, or been in a relationship and had your once-fiery feelings just go away? And you can’t find anything that they did, and you know they’re a good person?
I just know, from my friends who are in love, that being in love…doesn’t go away, when it’s right, anyway. I have newly wed friends or friends who are engaged who are over the moon about their husbands or fiances, and who still get excited when they get text messages.
And I’m dating someone 3 months in and … feel… nothing. Just, meh, either way. And we were starting to fight a lot, bicker, on the phone. Hurtful things were said (mainly by him, out of frustration I’m sure).
And then there was the seeing each other twice a month thing, for a date or two. It’s not enough to sustain a relationship, or feed one to grow. Maybe it is, maybe other people have done it, but different people have different needs.
He accused me of passing on things once the honeymoon phase was over. And of not giving our relationship the chance to see if it could work in August. But I just felt like waiting that long wouldn’t be true to myself.
Feel free to chime in…