I’ve been thinking more & more about the situation with Sky, trying to figure out what I feel. I end up at a flatness.
Katarina Phang posted a blog yesterday about men who run hot and cold and what to do, and one thing she wrote really stung me in the face:
How do you treat people and things you treasure?
Ugh. I mean she also said:
I will also blow cold when I sense you want something from me: something I’m not prepared or at liberty to give to you.
…which in my story is probably more likely what it is, based on what I know…
but the first quote still rings true. If he really valued me in his life; if he really didn’t want to let some other guy come in and scoop me up… he wouldn’t leave space for it to happen.
Which follows with, he doesn’t want to commit to the relationship so he is staying away.
Still, sometimes I feel like maybe I’m just a dummy. Maybe everything my readers say is them laughing all the way to the bank. But then I stop myself and realize I stay with my main resource since she has simply been right this entire time. Which follows that he should be back…
I guess I’m really struggling this time. Anyway, I have a date booked with someone who could be pretty attractive. He was a little creepy though as he found old modeling pics of me and wanted more. Oops. We haven’t even met.
Back to Sky. I still feel this ..almost feeling of eerie quietness, like I saw a ghost, his entire person doesn’t exist. Like if he texted me it would just be some “thing” from the Universe and isn’t quite real.
If he does, why should I even respond? What, he’s gonna invite me on another vacation, or flirt with me, and whatever, and then what?
And I guess it’s entirely possible that he’s just got someone else. Although why on earth you would blow a ton of money on a hotel suite with me, dinner, drinks, etc. if you’ve got another person in the wings is beyond me. He didn’t have to see me, and I didn’t ask to see him other than saying I hoped I would back on Veteran’s Day. Unless he met someone else or someone reached out the day after?
Holy shit. Maybe that’s it. He got a Merry Christmas text from someone he thought was unavailable to him. Who is local. I guess I need to assume that that’s it because you don’t just disappear to someone you love. YOU FUCKING LOVE. Why did he have to all go saying he loved me and such. If he didn’t, I guess I could make more sense out of it…