Well tonight it’s a Saturday night and I’m at home relaxing, and I fucking love it. Haha, late 20’s here we go. Reason being? My man is in the Coast Guard Reserves. He has drill this weekend. So he’s riding around on a boat and doing whatever else they do, and I get me time! And while I miss him (heck, at this point I miss him less than half an hour after he leaves sometimes), I’m kind of glad for the self-time.
I have to say, the more we talk/the more we get closer, the more I am impressed with him and his mind. Just who he is as a person. Like, absolutely want him in my life. And I feel so lucky he feels the same way. I’m trying not to fall for this guy too fast but, it’s hard. It’s like, everything about him pulls at me.
Anyway, so he’s the first guy with a military affiliation I’ve dated. And, reserves is almost a little deceptive, because he it’s like normal life, then all of a sudden, “So hey I might get deployed to (name a place)..but I’m not sure, so, that’s all I know for now.”
Oh. OH. So, you might be ripped from my life for a certain amount of time?
And all of a sudden, I’m being very selfish. These military men, they are serving a bigger purpose. Helping the country to function. For the greater good, of everyone who is a part of the country.
And when he tells me these things, all I can think is, I’d rather have you stay here with me because I just want to carry on BEING with him and doing the young love thing where it’s all heady and euphoric.
So, one of the things that makes me admire him as a person, is quickly becoming one of the things that makes me pout. Until I remember to “woman up” and be proud of the guy who is out there doing this stuff.
When we first started dating, the potential deployment date was end of May. So that deployment is (most likely) not happening, BUT he might be switching stations and if he switches, that new station is deploying to ..somewhere out of the country. BUT he’ll be the new kid on the block, so he might not be sent.
Which all makes me juggle the “would we stay together” question, so finally last night I just asked him flat out. We’ve addressed it by dancing around it conversationally, but never explicitly said, yes, I want to stay together. I mean, the deployment would be longer than we would have been dating, most likely.
Turns out, BEFORE, as in, if he was deploying at the end of this month, he would have said I don’t blame you if you want to hit pause on this thing, and see other people while I’m gone, and maybe pick back up when I return.
..but now, it’s different. He said he definitely would want to stay together, which made me feel more sure about things.
But then I had my own thoughts, as in, can I really do this, I would miss him so much, what if we can’t really talk, he’s becoming my best friend in the whole world and then he’d be away so I’d never trade that to “see what else is out there” – I would stay. But it would be hard. And I think I might die a little inside temporarily. But we talked and I was honest about my reservations, and he said the one thing is you can’t go into it thinking, well we will see how this goes, because sending someone away with that on their mind is the last thing they need.
I didn’t say anything, but even if you were 100% committed, and then things changed, …well, nothing in life is guaranteed. That said, I know tons of people who have done it. And if you can’t be true to someone, then how are you going to be married to them? And if you’re not going to even consider marrying them, then you probably shouldn’t be dating them. I think if it happened it would be a good test. To see how committed we both are, or more how committed I am, because I guess there’s not that much temptation while you’re deployed (assuming you don’t want a military girl, which he says he has no interest in… ha, we will see)
So tomorrow is Mother’s Day, and we’re going to a baseball game, and then … he might meet my family. 🙂 🙂 🙂 IF everyone wants to get dinner afterwards… if not, then me and him will just have Sunday night date night.