“Don’t Touch My Love Handles” “I Like Them” “That Makes One of Us”


My blogtitle/conversation sound familiar, anyone? Now, as a disclaimer, I’m in fairly good shape, but I have a spoon shape aka figure 8 aka high hips body type so the top of my hips is my “troublespot”. 

So the recent exchange made me laugh, because it’s the type of thing you only say when, one, you’re comfortable enough with someone to make fun of yourself, and two, he’s obsessed with your body anyway. And by the way, his response to that makes one of us was, “oh stop”.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me provide you with an update on my life.

The last post was 10 days ago. Obviously, I was nervous about spending so much time with this guy (hockey tournament=weekend away). But, I saw my therapist (who is amazing) and she when I was telling her I didn’t know if I wanted to, and I was nervous, and didn’t how how I felt, and she’s all saying we should be exclusive if we’re doing weekends in hotels, and I’m like I don’t know if I’m ready for that, and she goes: “That’s a bold-faced lie. You’re totally smitten.” 

And I was like…Oh. WELL then.

So then I just let go of my little hang-ups and got excited. And I actually struggled through an awkward conversation with the man about why I had responded kind of weirdly to his invite for Saturday (it was a, “yeah maybe”  “if you have other plans or want to do something else with your friends its cool”  “no it’s not that… i’ll just…think about it” ) which went into a semi-long convoluted thing about why weekends away with men I’ve dated are not (well, have not been) a source of happiness.


  • Weekends away with the cage fighter ended with him not talking to me on a silent, long car ride home.
  • Weekend away with a summer fling last year started with him ignoring me the week up to it, and part of the weekend, and me getting drunk enough to flip out at him for it –and by flipping out I mean pouring a beer on his head and trying to storm off and get my friends to pick me up, but the problem with that was we were on a small island on Lake Winni and ..there are no roads for me to storm off to. So, I gave up fighting the woods and had to walk back and sort of patch things up, apologize for the beer dumping but not for what caused it (his actions) and things basically didn’t work out after that. Although he did ask to see me once more, things were great, and then he didn’t talk to me for two months more until his birthday. OK.


The man was totally cool and understanding about everything relating to why I was weird about the weekend intially. I agree to the weekend.

During the week we are talking til like 12, 1 am regularly by this point on the phone. He lives about an hour and a half away, so the phone talking is necessary.

About “The Talk” I was supposed to have, I was going to. Really, I was, ….but over the phone seems weird. And we were going to try for dinner but then scheduling didn’t work out. I mean, Wednesdays are weird… 😉 (<—funny excuse commercial, watch it if you have time).

[The Weekend Begins]

So Friday rolls around, and let me tell you this guy thinks of EVERYTHING. First, he says he can put his dog’s cage in his SUV for my puppy, but for me to bring blankets since he doesn’t have any for her. Then, he texts me the address of the rink complete with a link to the google maps directions

WHAT? …Way before I even had a chance to ask. 

I drive up, am greeted by him, then five seconds later a whole room full of hockey players, with a sprinkling (read: two other) of women. The manager greets me by saying, “Hi, I’m so and so, I’m a scorpio, I like long walks on the beach, and you can sit with me” and they all laugh and I blush and am like…. oh boy.

…what did I agree to. But, my boy was cool, we just sat with one of his good friends who’s gf was also coming down, so from there it wasn’t too bad.

Then we go back to the room, grab some things, and go out with some of his teammates. It was a fun night. He doesn’t like to dance, though. And I do, so at one point I said, you know, you can’t date me forever and not dance with me sometimes, and he said, I know. But, nobody else was dancing, so I understand why he didn’t want to. LOL.

A little bar hopping, a little socializing, and then we end up back and the hotel. 

Now, we haven’t gone there yet (there being…there..being, heyoooo), so this is a little bit of pressure being a hotel and all, and… one thing leads to another. I was a little nervous about how it would be considering he’s the one that said we shouldn’t the first time we got together. (This is now date four.) And a girl’s gotta wonder, what red-blooded American male says no?  Even if he said, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we should wait, but for all the right reasons.”

Back to the hotel room: things happen, and I’m happy to find out that he’s still the best guy at going down town I’ve ever encountered (like, where the heck did he learn all that) and that his other skills are on par. Good. I can work with this, I think. (Sorry, bad sex would be a big stumbling block for me…and then maybe a deal breaker if it didn’t improve.)

Then we almost have sex the next morning before game 2 of the hockey tournament. They played like crap, but won. So, we have sex after the tournament instead (ha, ha) and…wow. wow. wow.

It was funny though, because during our second hookup session, housekeeping knocked not once, but twice; reception called not one, not twice, but three times (and I answered the first two times)… so, yeah a bunch of interruptions.

But back to round two. This kid has details down that I did not know about. He’s all telling me, put this leg straight and move this one here. And I’m like, sure. And then a few seconds later…oooooh my god. 

Second game of the day they win (yay) which means they are heading to the finals, so we decide to stay for saturday night too, since the game is early the next day.

We were out really late Saturday night, well no, actually we weren’t, but i froze my butt off Saturday night since they like to sit and drink around a campfire, which at first was cool but by 9 pm with a low of like 30’s I was unhappy with. So no nookie for him that night, haha, cause we were both exhausted and I was basically falling asleep at the fire anyway. 

Sunday: The finals game is super close but they lose. He played really well, and so did one other guy, but everyone else was sloppy. Coach is pissed because they should have won. We all hang out for a bit and then head home, he comes back to my place to spend the day with me.

We end up spending all of Sunday in bed. Hahahahaha. Like, sex, nap, sex, nap, dinner. 

[The Talk]

And, before dinner, and after stumbling with how to bring it up for a good half of the day, I blurt out, Are you seeing or talking to anyone else? And he goes, no. 


“Ok, well now that we’re sleeping together, I’d prefer that we keep it that way…”

“Yeah I feel you. I mean, I’m assuming you’re not seeing anyone else either”

well, oh, OKay then lol glad to know you weren’t worried.

“Plus I wanna see where things go with us you know?

“Yeah I feel you”


“So, just so we’re clear, that means taking down Match.”

(He laughs). “I haven’t been on recently anyway.”


(so we’re laying in bed, he’s spooning me, and starts running his hands over my hips and kind of playing with the little love handles I have, which is where us girls are all soft – and if you don’t have love handles GFY 🙂 )

“Don’t touch my love handles!!” (I laugh)

“I like them!”

“Well that makes ONE of us”

“Oh stop” 


And then we go out for sushi.

….and after the most blissful weekend I’ve had in a long time, the phone rings at 10:30 pm.

“It’s your mom. I’m in jail. I’ve been pulled over because my headlights weren’t out. I had a drink with lunch. I failed the field sobriety test and I refused the breathalyzer. I have the bail money in my account, but I can’t get to it. Do you know anyone who has $5,000 they can get to for bail?”


4 thoughts on ““Don’t Touch My Love Handles” “I Like Them” “That Makes One of Us”

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